Saturday, December 27, 2014

Guest Post: 16 New Year's Eve Traditions | Tragic Tales and Manicured Nails

I think that "JAZZED" is the best way to describe how I am feeling right now. Today I have the distinct privilege of introducing you to Caroline from Tragic Tales and Manicured Nails. She and I recently had the opportunity to connect for a consultation, and let me tell you, this woman is as brilliant as she is hilarious. Today she is taking over my blog to share some yearly New Year's Eve traditions (some intentional and some incidental). Can you relate with any of these?

Here's Caroline:

HELLO Avoiding Atrophy readers! Caroline here from Tragic Tales and Manicured Nails. I’m popping in to taking over my girl Christy’s space to share some New Years Eve traditions I have. Christy had asked me if I had any and, at first, I thought that I didn’t. Upon further reflection, I realized that I essentially do the same thing every NYE.

So, here I am outlining my 16 foolproof, consistent traditions that I follow each year. Please feel free to incorporate any of these into your yearly routine.

1. I set high expectations. 

I’m sorry, but you can’t tell me that you watched High School Musical and didn’t envision finding the Troy to your Gabriella at a ski resort on New Year’s Eve. We will sing karaoke at a professional-level only to exchange numbers (and photos stored to the number, of course) and later find ourselves at the same school only to FALL IN LOVE! I mean, these things HAPPEN, okay? I always go into the night with a minimum of 6 karaoke songs memorized for this very reason. Songs memorized must also vary in genre so I’m prepared for any type of singing partner. Country boy? Rapper? Alternative rock guy with long hair and questionable life decisions? I’m ready to harmonize.

2. I don’t have plans. 

More often than not, I forget it’s coming. It sneaks up on me like a tiger while I’m still catching my breath from Christmas. I mean, I’m currently still over-thinking things I did in 2010, so a-whole-nother year for me to accidentally ask non-pregnant women if they’re pregnant over produce in grocery stores is just NOT what I need right now.

3. I spend New Year’s Eve Eve looking for things to do on New Year’s Eve. 

I text my friends and they have no plans either, so we debate our options. Club? Too expensive. Party bus? Too cramped. Chipotle? Closes at 11. I’m usually visiting home for New Years so we don’t even have a house to go to that isn’t owned by a parent who ratted me out in high school for speeding through their neighborhood (I had places to be in high school. I mean, sometimes I had to go to Target and Walgreens in the same afternoon.) We settle on one of the parent’s basement where we will have access to a TV so we can watch the ball drop and cheers and make out and whatever.

4. I throw on anything and everything I own with sequins, regardless of the basement venue.

All shapes, sizes, quantity, color; I do not discriminate. I look incredible and will indeed blind people whenever I walk by a light. Beauty is pain, for everyone around me.

5. I purchase one bottle of champagne.

Sometimes two. Sometimes thirteen.

6. I arrive and scope out the situation. 

Obvious question that needs to be answered immediately: Who will be my New Year’s kiss? My options are slim because it seems like everyone already pre-decided their New Years kiss and has brought them along. Natasha brought her boyfriend, Jessica brought her current fling, and Makenzie brought her brother. Ugh.

7. We stare at each other. 

 Should we play a game? Let’s play a game.

8. 95% of the champagne is in my belly, King’s Cup is over, and I moved on to the part of the night where I tell everybody how much I love them. 

This is essential and cannot be skipped.

9. I check the clock to find that it’s 11:47pm. 

Midnight is approaching. I scramble. Does anyone feel like they’re about to break up!? I make a great rebound. I need to find someone to kiss and I need to do it fast.

10. I realize that this family has a cat. 

Beggars can’t be choosers. I approach the cat to make small talk before our big moment and their female dog comes out of nowhere and barks at me to get away from her NYE kiss. Seriously!? What a real bitch.

11. Ryan Seacrest tells me it’s time to start counting down.

12. I tell Ryan Seacrest to LAY OFF.

13. The girls start to dab their lip gloss. They guys start to pop in mints. 

They’re preparing. They know what’s coming. I do, too. I swiftly steal someone’s seat on the recliner as they stand up to kiss. They will fall in love; I will fall asleep. ABC Family has probably already turned into 700 Club which means it's way past my bedtime.

14. 7 seconds until midnight.

15. Anyone want to karaoke?

16. Midnight comes. 

It’s officially the New Year and I am kiss-less. Meanwhile, the dog and cat have already moved to the bedroom.

Once we clear this midnight hump, I realize that Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens ended up breaking up anyway. Also, I can’t sing. Also, there’s no one I actually wanted to kiss. Also, I’m wearing a sequin dress in a basement.

Seriously, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves on New Years? It is so silly and yet it happens every year. It’s like we are all programmed to believe that New Year’s Eve must be some extravagant night, so we spend too much on cover charges and spray twice as much perfume as usual. This year? I’m doing it differently. I’m changing my perspective. I’m switching it up. 2015 will be welcomed in sweat pants.

But yes, they will be sequined.

To read more from Caroline, be sure to check out Tragic Tales and Manicured Nails!

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