A Week of No | A Week of Yes: Final Thoughts & Link-up

If you've been hanging around these parts, you know that I've been performing a bit of an experiment as of late. I decided to challenge myself to a test of setting boundaries and taking chances: A Week of No and a Week of Yes. Today, I'm sharing how this whole thing turned out:

Week of NO

You can read last week's post for a more in depth look at my experience with my Week of No, but essentially I took that time as an opportunity to turn down the things of life that felt needlessly obligatory: the blog post that could be written tomorrow, the big group dinner that I just wasn't feeling like attending, the last-minute invitations or requests that really didn't work with my schedule. Those might all seem like obvious things to say "no" to, but -- and I don't think I'm alone in this -- sometimes guilt can cause me to make weird decisions.

That's the biggest thing I decided to let go of during my Week of No: guilt -- the kind that leads me to begrudgingly agree to things that in a hundred years I would never want to do. I wasn't perfect about it, but to the best of my ability, I attempted to shut off that part of my brain for seven days straight. I quieted that voice in my head that says, "But they're counting on you...", "But they'll be mad at you...", "But if you say 'no' to this, you'll have to say 'yes' to the next thing..." I took that disembodied voice and put her in a drawer. I could still hear her rambling sometimes, but it was kind of muffled, so I couldn't always make out what she was trying to say.

This was what I looked like during my Week of No: free of obligation and full of pie.

So that was my Week of No, and believe me, it was needed.

Week of YES

This last week, I switched gears and started saying "yes." This was a week dedicated to committing myself to good things that I might be tempted to avoid/put off: the project that has been on the back burner for months, the phone call with a friend that I've been missing, the thing I got invited to at the last minute that might be amazing but also might be terrible, who knows. 

I made an insane to-do list for myself, chockfull of job stuff and life stuff. When I made it, I told my husband that if I didn't complete every item, I would punish myself by moving to the woods. So anyway, I guess I'm moving to the woods because NO WAY IN HELL did I finish that crazy list. 

But I'm still proud to say that I knocked off a lot of the big stuff. I ran a successful sponsor promotion and connected with tons of wonderful creatives. I met with some wonderful people, sent so.many.emails, wrote stories, reached out to brands, sketched out some plans for upcoming projects, wrote a sponsored post, and still had time to listen to the latest installment of Serial on Thursday (by the way, we are all listening to Serial, right?).

This was a week where I especially said "yes" to the future of this blog, which is a thing that I must confess has been fading into the background lately.

My headquarters for my Week of Yes. Spent a lot of time in my new, still-unfinished home office.

And you may be wondering after all of this -- which did I like better? Which week was more enjoyable? Which one taught me the most?

Both. I liked both. I loved both. I was frustrated with both. I learned from both.

Here's what I am taking with me from my Week of No:

1. The world doesn't fall apart if I don't show up.

I know what you're thinking: this is the kind of lesson a narcissist needs to learn, and you know what, I'll take that for what it's worth. I do think it's easy for me to get in the mindset of, "If I don't do this, no one will do this, and probably everything will be ruined." And you know what? That's not the truth. During my Week of No, not a single decision I made caused a black hole. Think about that.

2. People are generally fine when you say "no", especially if you provide an alternative.

"Hey there, I'm not down for this, but you know who would be? My friend/colleague/person I admire, _____." Providing alternatives is a really respectful way to turn someone down, and I want to get a lot better at making this a part of my professional life. Also, with that, it's not always necessary to provide reasons for turning someone down. A simple "no" is usually preferable to "Uh, see, I can't because...I've got this friend...'s cousin...'s boyfriend...who is coming into town...and...he...ummm..." Actually, "no" is always preferable to that mess. 

3. Saying "no" can get boring...eventually.

At the end of my Week of No, I was itching for my Week of Yes. But only at the very end. The rest of it was actually...like...heaven.

Here's what I'm taking with me from my Week of Yes:

1. Even small yeses can have big impacts.

One of the things on my list this week involved amping up my social media presence. On Monday morning, I relaxed with a cup of coffee while tweeting at bloggers I loved, and by the afternoon, I'd somehow gained fifteen new followers. What?! I wasn't even wearing pants! 

2. Saying "yes" is actually saying "no." 

It's just saying "no" to different things. Saying "yes" involves fighting with your brain a lot and telling it to shut up when it wants to take a break or break down into a fit of negativity. That second fight was the one I found myself engaged in a lot. I didn't always win. 

3. Saying "yes" can get stressful...super quick.

Early on, in my Week of Yes, I realized the thing that I always seem to forget -- that I can't do it alone. Even before I actually said "yes" to anything, just looking at the to-do list that I created started to give me anxiety. That's when I decided that if I was going to do this while still maintaining my sanity, I would need to set apart time for prayer and meditation. I read Psalms every morning and jotted down all kinds of thoughts and reflections. In doing this, I was reminded that I wasn't alone, and that I'm never actually alone even when I try to convince myself that I am.

The thing about this whole Week of No | Week of Yes thing is that it's not a practical way to live. I realize that. Obviously we need both sides in balance to be able to function as human beings. By the way, if I remember correctly, that's basically the thesis for the movie "Yes Man." 

But sometimes it takes going to the extreme to realize how to incorporate ideas in moderation. If this happens to be resonating with you, feel free to adopt one of these weeks for yourself. If you are someone who is all about boundaries but forgets to take risks, have a week of "Yes." If you are someone who agrees to everything and can barely breathe, maybe try a week of "No." And if you're a spazz like me, maybe try both. 

How do you say "no" and "yes" in your life?

LINK-UP!

If you happen to give this experiment a try or if you just want to write about the importance of saying "no" or "yes", feel free to link-up your post below! Your posts can be centered around any of the following:

1. If you've done the Week of Yes/No experiment, write about what you learned.

2. If you're about to do a Week of Yes/No, write about your goals.

3. Simply write about a time in life when you said "yes" or "no" to something significant. 

Feel free also to connect a previously written post if you've got one. I'll keep the link-up running all week, so add your posts and be sure to link back to this post. Thanks, fellow boundary-setters and dream-chasers!

An InLinkz Link-up

A Week of "No" | A Week of "Yes"

When it comes to balancing my life as a freelance writer, I have found two things to be absolutely essential: setting clear, distinct boundaries and taking big, fat chances. In other words, it is critical for me to know when to say "No" and when to say "Yes" and when to say "YESYESYESYESYES!" 

I'm certainly not the first person to come to this realization. In fact, over 2,000 years ago, it was Jesus who said to a bunch of people while standing on top of a mountain, "Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’" 

But it's not always that simple, or at least it isn't for me. For all of my big talk, this last month has left me pretty reluctant to follow this advice. With events and traveling and moving into our new apartment, life has just seemed like a blur. I've found myself getting bogged down with tasks that I never should have said yes to and putting off opportunities out of sheer exhaustion. Even the things that I am truly passionate about have accumulated a stench of obligation. I have been saying "yes" when I really want to say "good god no", and the idea of taking chances has been on the back burner.

Whenever I realize that I am in the midst of this sort of season, one where I feel like I haven't been living life at 100%, it can be tempting to become pretty negative. I start thinking about childhood prodigies -- the Tavi Gevinsons and the Lordes and the Quvenzhané Wallises of this world -- and I briefly decide that it's way too late for me to even try. 

Seriously, Tavi, can you stop doing incredible things for, like, one hot second? (Via)

But this time around, I opted for a different approach. Instead, I decided to be gentle on myself. I mean, hey, it happens, right? We get behind. We lose focus. We flake out, and it's not the end of the world. We get back up, and try try again, amen? Amen.

And with this fresh outlook in place, I decided to perform a bit of an experiment. Instead of simply telling myself to get better at saying "yes" and "no", I thought, why not find a new method of practicing this skill? Why not take it to the next level? 

Hence, a week of "no" and a week of "yes."

One week wherein I commit myself to saying "no". No to things that feel overwhelming. No to people who I simply cannot help right now. No to myself when I put needless pressure on my day. No to tasks that could easily be put off until tomorrow. No to the lie that I have to be crazy busy to be worth something. Just no. 

And then another week where I flip the script completely to say "yes". Yes to the things that I have been putting off for months. Yes to opportunities that come my way. Yes to people who come into my life even when it feels inconvenient. Yes to my own ideas. Yes to my to-do list. Yes to collaboration, friendship, and dreams. Yes yes yes yes yes.

It's probably extreme, and maybe even frowned upon in some circles, but whatever, I'm doing it. In fact, I'm right in the midst of it. Last week, without making a big stink about it (because that would have felt way too obligatory), I began my Week of No, and friends, it was GLORIOUS. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

To be clear, in case there is any confusion, my week of No was not a week of negativity, but rather a week where I lived in the spirit of setting boundaries. When things came up that would ordinarily instigate stress, I felt free to just not do those things as long as it didn't cause anyone's world to end. That included (but was certainly not limited to) NOT going to a big group dinner when I was feeling introverty and NOT writing a blog post when I wasn't feeling super blog posty (Did your world end? I didn't think so).

My week of No was over the holiday, so it kind of made sense to make it a week where I let go of obligations. In order to do this thing right, I completely took myself out of the picture. My husband and I packed up our car and headed to a cabin in upstate New York where we spent Thanksgiving, just the two of us. Feast your eyes on this magical little gem:

Isn't she pretty? Check out her insides:

We watched a sketchy live stream of the parade, played a crazy amount of Boggle, and cooked a simple dinner in our simple cottage.  

Even though we missed our family and friends, I have to say it was nice to just be able to fully enjoy the holiday in the way the that we did. In fact, it was one of the most reflective and grateful Thanksgivings I've ever experienced, not because I wasn't around people, but because I was truly able to breathe and take stock of all of the joyful things that are in my life. And, man, there are a lot of joyful things in my life.

And by the way, my Week of No wasn't a week of selfishness. I feel like that needs to be said. In our weird, guilty brains we often associate saying "no" with being self-centered. We picture petulant toddlers screaming at their parents in malls ("NooooOOOOooo--uuuuhhh!!!"). But that really is not the case, and in fact, I think the opposite is true. Through setting boundaries last week, I was better able to take care of the people in my life. I was a better listener because I was less frazzled, and I was a way better servant because my kindness flowed from a genuine place instead of a place of requirement.

Still, all of that to say, I have to admit that I am pretty CRAZY EXCITED about my Week of Yes!

I will be going into all of the details in a post tomorrow, but just so you know, I have created a BALLIN list of things that I will be banging out this week. Like, this is the mother of all to-do lists, y'all. I am saying "yes" to difficult emails that I've been delaying sending, "yes" to sprucing up this here blog, and "yes" to making a ton of connections this week with other likeminded freelancers. Coming off of my Week of No, I am so ready to get shit done.

And not only am I saying "yes" to my own ideas and my own to-do list, but in the spirit of this week, I am saying "yes" to whatever comes my way (within reason, obvi). Even though the forecast claims that it's going to rain four days this week, if an opportunity comes along, I will throw on my wellies and make it happen. Because of Netflix and cuddling, I usually suck at this, but for this week, life is just going to be a big ol' bag of Yes.

So what about you? Could you use a little more "yes" in your life? Or perhaps you're a little yessed-out, and you'd prefer a week of setting boundaries. Or maybe you're like me, and you need a bit of both. 

Well, if you'd like to join in on this whole thing, give me a shout in the comments section! I'd be happy to turn this into a linkup. You can start your own Week of No or Yes, and then write a post all about your experiences. You game?

Stay tuned for a post tomorrow with lots of fun news that is all being brought on by this crazy experiment! I really think it will be worth your while (especially if you're a blogger or writer or someone who is trying to do cool things in this world).