In search of a work of art

Via ebay

I am in search of an oil painting featuring a lady looking demure and bold and just absolutely awesome. Do you have one to spare?

Allow me to explain...

Recently, while zoning out on Instagram, I stumbled upon a brilliant collaboration between the incomparable Jen Gotch (founder & creator of ban.do) and the good people at Chairish. They were hosting a live auction of some phenomenal vintage finds, including a strawberry cookie jar, a giant lighter, and the most delightful goat-shaped bottle opener I've ever seen. 

Now, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a sucker for vintage paraphernalia. If I were to describe my perfect day, a huge part of it would include rummaging through old bottles, postcards, and stale-smelling clothing at a well-curated antique shop. It's something I do a lot. A lot, a lot. 

So naturally, a virtual vintage experience on Instagram was intriguing to me. The way it worked was that they would post a picture of an item, and the first person to comment with #sold got dibs. Obviously, everything was moving wildly fast, so I had the hashtag copied and ready to paste just in case I fell in love with something. And, friends, I did.

Via Instagram @chairishco

That's Jen Gotch (with RYAN GOSLING LEGGINGS OHMYGODWHAT CAN I HAVE THEM) holding the artwork of my dreams. When this picture went up, my brain exploded. I fell in love with the woman in this painting. Her white hair, her confident smirk, her ambiguous nakedness -- she just seemed perfect to me. I hesitated for a second, though, because the price seemed a little steep ($158), and in that wretched moment, someone with better decision-making skills commented and stole her from me. Not to be dramatic, but my world basically crumbled. 

Ever since this exquisite sighting, I've been on the hunt for something similar. I can't really explain it. Something about seeing this picture just flipped a switch in me. I am now fixated on finding an oil portrait of a woman who exudes her same level of strength, confidence, and unabashed femininity. I guess I want her to be my spirit animal. I want to hang her in my office and look up at her for inspiration while I'm working. And I want to name her. Maybe something like Delores. Then when a friend comes to visit me, I want to say something like, "Have you met Delores?" and then I'll laugh and laugh with a strange twinkle in my eyes. And as my friend starts to slowly back away from this scene, I want to continue laughing, more maniacally than ever, until they finally exit. And then it's just me and Dolores again, and I give her a bit of a wink, and I keep on working.

I don't know, I haven't thought everything through. But here's what I've come up with so far by googling woman + oil + portrait (by the way, if you plan on searching those same terms, you are going to see a TON of boobs. Of all shapes a sizes. You have been warned.):

Via ebay

Via etsy

Via etsy

Via etsy

Via etsy

Via etsy

To be clear, I'd be happy to hang any of these portraits up in my office and call them Delores. Maybe I'll curate a collection over time. Again, I haven't thought it through.

Anyway...

Have you ever been on an obsessive hunt for a particular item?

Tell me about it so I won't feel crazy!

Also, P.S. If you buy any of these portraits out from under me, I guess that's your prerogative. But if it's on ebay, just know that I'm willing to engage in a pretty intense bidding war. So...yeah.

My #YesAllWomen Post

Look. It's been a big week, full of emotionally-charged news, and I'm just having trouble sitting still right now.

Whenever a massive act of violence occurs, there is that sick sensation that gathers in the pits of our stomachs as we try to digest the horrific news. Word of Friday's shooting in Isla Vista was accompanied by that terrible feeling, that deep-down frightening and sad voice that seems to say, "My God, it's happened again." We mourned innocent lives taken by a sick, depraved human being. We read articles expelling details of his manifesto, which revealed that he wanted to seek revenge on women for not sleeping with him. We sat there baffled that any person's mind could actually exist with such high volumes of toxicity.

And then a conversation began.

Perhaps I am being a bit optimistic, but the #YesAllWomen conversation is encouraging to me. If you don't know what it's all about -- in the days following Friday's shooting, the hashtag #NotAllMen began circulating on Twitter. It was created as an attempt for men to distance themselves from the psychopathy and blatant misogyny of Elliot Rodger. In response came #YesAllWomen, a statement intended to declare that certainly not all men are harassers, but all women, every single one, are the regular targets of harassment.

Abuse, both verbal and physical. Unwanted sexual advances. Violence. Rape. Discrimination in professional environments. Discrepancies in pay. Barriers in religious settings. Being seen as simply less.

These issues are ones that span all of womankind. Yes, all of womankind.

Elliot Rodger's mind was completely contaminated. We know that. But in many ways, his worldview can be seen as a heightened version of the way some men really see the women in their lives -- as objects to which they are entitled, as beings which owe them certain servitudes: sex, devotion, laughter.

I have many examples of this in my own life, but one of the most consistent illustrations for me would probably have to be the parade of spectator-men I face every day while walking to the subway. Just about every woman in New York City (or any city with considerable foot-traffic) deals with this. Of course, the comments range from the very gross ("I want to put your feet in my mouth") to the almost-cliche ("Hey baby, I love to see you smile"). What I find fascinating about street harassment is that if I am with my husband, it ceases completely. The same man who would ordinarily be tormenting me on my daily commute is suddenly silent. I feel like the boy who cried wolf. "I swear he usually wants me to put my feet in his mouth!"

That is part of why some men remain oblivious to the continued plight of women. Those who would normally be the aggressors of harassment only seize the opportunity when other men aren't around (Slate ran a great article on this phenomenon yesterday). Because of this, men who don't cat-call women or actively attempt to hurt them (or at least they don't think they do), these men are often able to escape the sad reality which has affected their wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, and friends for centuries.

But that is why, even though it may be a sometimes flawed conversation, I appreciate the spirit of #YesAllWomen. I love the totality of it, the boldness of it. By popularizing a message that says that, yes, all women deal with some form of misogyny, we effectively take away the blind-eye excuse. The word is out there. It's your move, world.

My husband, who, like me, considers himself a feminist, asked me a really cool question regarding #YesAllWomen that I've been thinking about a lot today: "So what should I be doing, like, right now?"

Great question. The answer I had for him, and the answer I have for all men, is first to listen to the women in your lives. Ask them how they have been personally affected by sexism, how they have felt harassed, how they have been made to feel like less than what they are. Allow yourself to be shocked as you hear their stories. Have empathy for them, and resolve to live as a champion for their rights. Partner with the women you know and commit to making a real difference. Be bold enough to say, "Enough is enough."

Again, it's possible that I believe far too strongly in the power of a hashtag like #YesAllWomen. We all know we have seen this before. People get excited about a branding strategy for a human rights issue, and then it falls by the wayside. To a degree, I completely understand the cynicism that surrounds hashtag activism. 

But even though I know it will cease trending on Twitter in just a few days time, I can't help but be excited about words which so powerfully encapsulate the essence of this truth -- that all women, whether they even realize it or not, are the targets of a flawed belief that has persisted for far too long. And it will take the commitment of all women and all men to really put an end to it.

I know these aren't the usual issues discussed on this blog, and I promise I will get you back to cat photo shoots and breakfast posts as soon as possible, but I just couldn't stomach being silent on this platform. In the same way that I encourage men to listen to the women in their lives, I think it is important for women to share their stories with each other. I would love to hear your thoughts on #YesAllWomen. Leave a comment below with some of your experiences.