Laments of a Former Film Student

As I've noted in previous entries, this period right after college that I am experiencing is full of confusion and collegiate-withdrawals. Again, I'm not the authority on this realization. Films like The Graduate indicate that certainly post-students have been feeling this ickiness for a while now (watch The Graduate. No, seriously. Watch it).

For me, college was so full of daily enlightenment, friends, Dr. Pepper floats, free t-shirts. I didn't realize it, but I was waking up to some of the most affirming days of my life. I was so in-control of my destiny as a student. If I truly desired, I could go to class, listen to a lecture, take notes, study, and get an A. There was no inevitable sense of rejection around every corner. No sir. Just good old-fashioned hard work that paid off in the end.

This is a real thing that happens at Baylor. An hour of free Dr. Pepper floats.

College trained me to think that if I applied myself, things would surely go my way...that if I could dream it, by God, I could do it.

But here's the thing though. All of that was a bunch of hooey. Yeah, I said it. Hooey.

Because outside of the glorious Truman Show that is Baylor University, rejection follows you like some back-alley cat (No offense, cats. You're still the greatest). Even the weird jobs can escape you. I'm serious about this. I applied to be a bilingual puppeteer and was turned down. Pretty grim, right?

This is a strange time, and I am beyond positive that a lot of us are feeling it. That is actually one of my greatest comforts right now -- I'm not alone in this.

Let me go back to The Graduate for just another second. Actually, let me go back even farther than that for yet another second.

In my undergrad, I was a Film and Digital Media major. Sometimes when I tell people that, they give me a face like I'm either supposed to be super interesting or a total nerd. Both might be true. The department was full of both (and some in-betweens). Now that I am out of college and free from my obligations to the FDM department, I am pleased to admit that I regularly was annoyed with several of my peers.

Here's why:

I could take the tech nerds. I could take the blood-shot eyed guy who did his editing project all night. I could even tolerate the 80% of men in the department who did not regularly shower. But what I could not stand was the pretentious attitudes surrounding film. You were nobody if you hadn't seen The Boondock Saints (seen it. Hate it) or Bladerunner (great movie, but don't wet yourself about it). You might as well be dead if you didn't put Stanley Kubrick on a level with some kind of demigod (2001: A Space Odyssey? More like 2001: A Really Crappy Movie That I Hate). And don't you DARE think about not listing Citizen Kane as one of your all-time favorite films (it actually is for me, but that's not the point).

The Graduate is one of those films that film students love to go nanners over. They claim it as their own and use it to distinguish themselves as Film Elite.

I don't think that's why I like The Graduate (though I'm not beyond being pretentious). I like it because it really meets me where I am right now. It's accessible. For your reference, it's basically about a guy who graduates college and doesn't really know what to do with his life, so he kind of floats around (metaphorically and at one point he does so literally in a pool). He makes some weird, unsatisfying decisions. And that's mostly it. Sound familiar?

Obviously, that description is missing several nuances of the film (as well as the entire Simon & Garfunkel soundtrack that runs throughout it). But I just appreciate that The Graduate seems to know this part of me. I appreciate that about art in general. Art is good when it consoles that gnawing fear that we might actually be alone. There is nothing particularly redeeming about the story-line of the film in particular, but at the very least, it reminds me that someone else has done this. That's what's important. Art is important.

I would love to say that this mere realization solves all of my problems, but we all know that would be a lie. I've talked to many people who have been through this life-stage and it seems like one that tends to stand out in the grand narrative of life. That's exciting in a way. It makes me wonder what the next step is going to be and what movie I'll relate to at that point.

Dustin Hoffman...floating

ON THE NEXT EPISODE...

I will discuss the day this absolutely disgusting picture was taken! It's finally here. O'Shoney Wedding entry! Tell your friends. 

Fresh Face of Austin

Hey! I got my ears lowered.

BEFORE

AFTER

I intentionally made that nasty face in the first picture so that I would definitely look better in the after-shot, but that is genuinely how I was feeling about that nasty witch hair I was sporting for a month.

I like it a lot. It is the work of Sara at Modesty Hair Studio here in Austin. I ended up at this place because I asked our waitress at Salvation Pizza where she got her hair cut (she had cute bangs). She referred me to Sara who was just great. Sara has a blog (saraohair.blogspot.com) about hair and fashion and fabulousness.

Anyway, just thought I'd let you know I had the hair situation under control. I know you were wondering.

A Pursuit of an Evil Season

In the Lammert House, we didn't celebrate Halloween. It was kind of seen as taboo. I'm not going to point any fingers, but some towering male figure in my childhood was just not a huge fan of it. I remember several times where instead of going trick-or-treating, my family went to church to celebrate Reformation Day, a day which commemorates Martin Luther nailing his 95 Theses. That's great and all, but there wasn't even candy.


I remember one Halloween where we didn't go to church (in fact, I think they canceled it that year and threw some kind of a "Fall Fest" instead) and I dressed up in a poodle skirt and roller skates all alone in my room. There wasn't candy there either.


Above all things, on October 31st of every year, I wanted Halloween. I wanted to dress up and go door-to-door and eat candy until I threw up all over my Posh Spice costume. That's all I wanted.


I'm sure if I'd confessed this desire to that towering male figure in my life, he probably would have conceded. In fact, I think one year he did because I have the faintest memory of a trick-or-treating experience. But the point is, in my mind at least, Halloween was FORBIDDEN and for that reason I now have an unhealthy fixation on celebrating it in my adult life no matter what the cost.


And that's why...I'VE BEEN DECORATING!


Now, I haven't actually gotten the guts to buy any real Halloween decorations (it feels much too sinful so early in the month), but I have been using all of my Hobby Lobby and Marshall's trips to buy Fall items: the gateway decor.


Here are some Fall hints that exist in our home right now:

Our mantle. Note the owl, gnome, and orange fabric picture. These were actually all gifts. The gnome is from my beautiful friend Lara as a wedding shower present, the picture is from my sister, and the owl is from Daniel after I begged him in a Hobby Lobby to let me have yet another owl figurine.  

This intensely amazing cookie jar is yet another gift from Lara (she's really good, right?). The leafy thing is from Marshall's and I made that beautiful fabric pumpkin (and by "made", I mean I made it happen in my apartment by purchasing it from Ross. Do you love it?)

These flowers aren't exactly fall themed, but Daniel bought them for me, so they deserve mention in this entry. Notice that the flowers are surrounded by a sparkly pumpkin and mushrooms.

A closer look at the mushroom salt shakers (an old Anthropologie purchase) and the presumably magical pumpkin (Ross). 

Now, I've had these mystical balls for some time. I never really understood their utility, but they are Fall-themed, I guess. I believe they hail from Wal-Mart. Also, fun fact, I won that candle the other day by selling the most of the item of the week at Anthropologie. Daniel does not like the smell of it, but tough... It's a winner's candle.  

Another owl reference. 

Yet another owl reference. Oh dear. Believe it or not, I JUST now realized that I have an owl thing. I'll have to monitor that from now on. 

Along with decorating, I've also been doing some fall-themed baking. 

Eat 'em and weep. These are pumpkin scones made from SCRATCH, and I made them (actually Daniel helped out...like, a lot). This is a big deal for me. I've been wanting to get in the baking game for a while, but couldn't find a solid entry-level dish. These things were too good. Like, as in, we ate an entire dozen in a day and didn't share with anyone. Check out the recipe, IF YOU DARE.

So why did I show you all of these things? Why did I subject you to an autumn harvest of photos that you may or may not have wanted to see? 

Well, here's the thing that I'm realizing lately. Being domestic is suddenly something I am craving. Never before was I trying to beautify my living space by decorating for the season. There has never been a real burning in my loins for scones (ew). For me, these tendencies just never came naturally. 

However, lately, these are exactly the sorts of things I want. Maybe it's because I work at Anthropologie which is practically the epicenter of all things beautiful, but I think it's more than that. Somewhere in my being or maybe in my upbringing, I recognize this desire as an act of service in my marriage. I truly want to make our home beautiful, and I see it as my charge.

Now, Daniel never once sat me down and told me that he needs to live in autumnal bliss through the months of October and November (though that would be a hilarious conversation), but somehow I feel like he would be happier in a home full of pumpkins. In the same way, I never sat Daniel down and told him he needed to get a job STAT so that he could provide for my every need, but he will be the first to tell you that when he was looking for a job, he was propelled by that desire. He sent his resume to every single place in town and was genuinely unable to rest well until he found a job (he did, by the way, at the YMCA!). 

I am not saying these inclinations are great. The truth is I sometimes freak myself out with my inability to do domestic things and Daniel definitely had his own minimized version of a freak-out when he was looking for work. Biblically, this is the curse described in Genesis 3 where God tells the woman, "your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" and he tells the man, "cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life." For Daniel, working is a greater part of his identity. Without it, he feels lacking. For me, when I truly examine myself, I know that the real reason I seek to do these homemaker things is for Daniel (I mean, the way to a man's heart is through interior decorating, right?). It's silly. It's stupid. It makes no sense, but in my wiring, it's what I innately believe. 

So anyway, that's my confession (and Daniel's subsequently). I don't even really know how I got here especially considering how I started this entry talking about the deprivation of Halloween in my childhood. 

Anyway, HAPPY FALL! 

UPDATE:

Here is my FIRST actual Halloween purchase of the season.

Hope you're seeing this, Towering Male Figure in my life (especially since you're one of my four followers).