I remember one Halloween where we didn't go to church (in fact, I think they canceled it that year and threw some kind of a "Fall Fest" instead) and I dressed up in a poodle skirt and roller skates all alone in my room. There wasn't candy there either.
Above all things, on October 31st of every year, I wanted Halloween. I wanted to dress up and go door-to-door and eat candy until I threw up all over my Posh Spice costume. That's all I wanted.
I'm sure if I'd confessed this desire to that towering male figure in my life, he probably would have conceded. In fact, I think one year he did because I have the faintest memory of a trick-or-treating experience. But the point is, in my mind at least, Halloween was FORBIDDEN and for that reason I now have an unhealthy fixation on celebrating it in my adult life no matter what the cost.
And that's why...I'VE BEEN DECORATING!
Now, I haven't actually gotten the guts to buy any real Halloween decorations (it feels much too sinful so early in the month), but I have been using all of my Hobby Lobby and Marshall's trips to buy Fall items: the gateway decor.
Here are some Fall hints that exist in our home right now:
Our mantle. Note the owl, gnome, and orange fabric picture. These were actually all gifts. The gnome is from my beautiful friend Lara as a wedding shower present, the picture is from my sister, and the owl is from Daniel after I begged him in a Hobby Lobby to let me have yet another owl figurine.
This intensely amazing cookie jar is yet another gift from Lara (she's really good, right?). The leafy thing is from Marshall's and I made that beautiful fabric pumpkin (and by "made", I mean I made it happen in my apartment by purchasing it from Ross. Do you love it?)
These flowers aren't exactly fall themed, but Daniel bought them for me, so they deserve mention in this entry. Notice that the flowers are surrounded by a sparkly pumpkin and mushrooms.
A closer look at the mushroom salt shakers (an old Anthropologie purchase) and the presumably magical pumpkin (Ross).
Now, I've had these mystical balls for some time. I never really understood their utility, but they are Fall-themed, I guess. I believe they hail from Wal-Mart. Also, fun fact, I won that candle the other day by selling the most of the item of the week at Anthropologie. Daniel does not like the smell of it, but tough... It's a winner's candle.
Another owl reference.
Yet another owl reference. Oh dear. Believe it or not, I JUST now realized that I have an owl thing. I'll have to monitor that from now on.
Along with decorating, I've also been doing some fall-themed baking.
Eat 'em and weep. These are pumpkin scones made from SCRATCH, and I made them (actually Daniel helped out...like, a lot). This is a big deal for me. I've been wanting to get in the baking game for a while, but couldn't find a solid entry-level dish. These things were too good. Like, as in, we ate an entire dozen in a day and didn't share with anyone. Check out the recipe, IF YOU DARE.
So why did I show you all of these things? Why did I subject you to an autumn harvest of photos that you may or may not have wanted to see?
Well, here's the thing that I'm realizing lately. Being domestic is suddenly something I am craving. Never before was I trying to beautify my living space by decorating for the season. There has never been a real burning in my loins for scones (ew). For me, these tendencies just never came naturally.
However, lately, these are exactly the sorts of things I want. Maybe it's because I work at Anthropologie which is practically the epicenter of all things beautiful, but I think it's more than that. Somewhere in my being or maybe in my upbringing, I recognize this desire as an act of service in my marriage. I truly want to make our home beautiful, and I see it as my charge.
Now, Daniel never once sat me down and told me that he needs to live in autumnal bliss through the months of October and November (though that would be a hilarious conversation), but somehow I feel like he would be happier in a home full of pumpkins. In the same way, I never sat Daniel down and told him he needed to get a job STAT so that he could provide for my every need, but he will be the first to tell you that when he was looking for a job, he was propelled by that desire. He sent his resume to every single place in town and was genuinely unable to rest well until he found a job (he did, by the way, at the YMCA!).
I am not saying these inclinations are great. The truth is I sometimes freak myself out with my inability to do domestic things and Daniel definitely had his own minimized version of a freak-out when he was looking for work. Biblically, this is the curse described in Genesis 3 where God tells the woman, "your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" and he tells the man, "cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life." For Daniel, working is a greater part of his identity. Without it, he feels lacking. For me, when I truly examine myself, I know that the real reason I seek to do these homemaker things is for Daniel (I mean, the way to a man's heart is through interior decorating, right?). It's silly. It's stupid. It makes no sense, but in my wiring, it's what I innately believe.
So anyway, that's my confession (and Daniel's subsequently). I don't even really know how I got here especially considering how I started this entry talking about the deprivation of Halloween in my childhood.
Anyway, HAPPY FALL!
Here is my FIRST actual Halloween purchase of the season.
Hope you're seeing this, Towering Male Figure in my life (especially since you're one of my four followers).