Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Coming Soon...Do-Overs Part 2: Cruise Control

I have a friend who is the best kind of cinephile. She knows everything about every movie you've never heard of, but she isn't one of those jerks who makes you feel bad about not being able to name a Stanley Kubrick film. That's important to me because I went to school with a lot of film snobs. Of all of the movies that she has seen in her lifetime, her favorites are not some obscure collection of german silent films or film noir classics. Instead, she has a strange and wonderful propensity for the most overlooked subclass of movies, the ones that will sadly almost never be nominated for any academy awards.

Her favorites are SEQUELS (particularly, for whatever reason, sequels starring Steve Guttenberg).

I always thought this to be such an interesting quality in a true lover of movies. I mean, let's be real. Almost no one actually likes sequels for obvious reasons.

There is always that slight stench of desperation that exists when a studio tries to use the same formula from an original blockbuster (this actor + this situation + 1/4 of the budget = everyone gives us money again please?).

Just...but like...how?

Sometimes the sheer existence of a sequel can effectively ruin the original.

Star Wars community, just pretend you never  met this guy (and yes, I know this one is technically a prequel).

And honestly, the story lines in a lot of sequels are so impossibly ridiculous that it can end up feeling like a total insult to your intelligence.

Like, just stop getting on motorized vehicles, Sandra Bullock.

But when I think about my friend's love for sequels, I really kind of get it. First off, you get to see your favorite characters all over again. It's like saying goodbye at graduation and then going out for ice cream afterwards. Second, sequels seem to somehow take themselves less seriously. If sequels were a person, it would probably be this guy:

Meet Sequels: The Person. He's like...I don't know. What do you want from me? I'm just a guy in a turtleneck. Now, let's make a movie and release it straight to video and watch it intermittently during a nap! 

The people who make sequels have to know by now that, for the most part, nothing really beats the original. I feel like sequels are just a time for characters to be able to play together again, and at the end of the day, is that really so bad?

 And who knows? Every now and then you get a sequel that surpasses the original.

Speaking of sequels, I'm preparing to write one myself. A lot of you read my post, If I Had It To Do All Over: Wedding Planning, in which I laid out some things I might have done differently from my wedding. I was overwhelmed by the response from you guys (over 100,000 views and counting)! After I posted it, I thought of quite a few more things to add to my list, so I've been thinking...why not make a Part Two?!

It could be a Home Alone 2 masterpiece or it could be a Jar Jar Binks-level catastrophe. I don't really care either way. I'm that guy up there shrugging my shoulders in a loose-fitting turtleneck. Let's do this. 

Next time on Avoiding Atrophy...

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