Friday, June 13, 2014

Am I living up to my childhood expectations?

Sometimes I look at the state of my life, and I wonder what my childhood self would think of me right now. Not that it matters, but I just know that back then I had some pretty rigid expectations for how my life was going to go. For instance, at the age of five, when anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always responded, "Reba McEntire."




Not "a singer." Not "a musician."



Via 3chicspolitico

I mean, really, I completely set myself up for failure with that goal. It should go without saying that my genetic code is still pitifully the same as it was back then. I did not suddenly morph into the magnificent redheaded creature pictured above (though make no mistake, I can rock a denim blouse like you wouldn't believe).

My life now is way different than the one that I planned for myself when I was a child. If I could travel back in time and tell Little Christy all about her future, I think she would have some big opinions about how things have gone down. Since that's impossible, for the purposes of this blog post, I'll use my childhood pictures to depict her emotional response if such a conversation were to take place.

Hey, Little Christy, it's me -- Future Christy. How you doing, girl?

Nice, nice. You're just chilling with a cat, as per usual, I see. Well, don't worry, girl, I won't keep you for very long. I just wanted to let you know some stuff about your future, if that's cool with you. 

Great. Well, I feel like I should just get this out in the open -- just rip that bandaid right off -- Little Christy, when you grow are not going to be Reba McEntire. 

I know, I know. You're disappointed. But really, how did you think that was going to go down? Like, it's literally impossible for you to become a different human being. You can't be Reba. Only Reba can be Reba. You didn't think that one through, so that's on you. But good news though, while you may not become Reba McEntire, you will become -- get this -- A WRITER.

What? You don't think that's cool?

Okay, well, I guess you have a point. Being a writer is almost never glamorous, and you basically live in constant fear that you'll never get work again. Plus, whenever you meet new people, you always have to answer the question, "Have I read anything you've written?" (for the record, the answer is usually no). But get this -- you're going to live in New York City!

I know! I'm psyched too! It's definitely cool, but just so you know, you don't live in an apartment anything like the one Tom Hanks has in the movie Big

Look, New York is expensive. Not everyone can have an elevator and a trampoline in a loft on the Upper West Side. But listen, you live in Brooklyn, one of the most diverse areas in the world. I mean, you live less than 15 minutes away from what has been deemed the best pizza in New York City

Yeah, I see you licking those lips, girl. I got your attention now. Well, how about if I told you that your neighborhood, Ditmas Park, is one of the few designated historic districts in NYC?

Okay, cool it with the fake snoring. It's not as cute as you think it is. But I got it, you haven't developed a love for history yet. That's fine. Let's see, what else, what else....OH! You get married!

And your husband looks like THIS (click the link, Little Christy)

I know, right?! Also, he makes really delicious casserole.

Man, this whole husband thing might be the only thing you approve of, but trust me, there is more to life than having a super hot man around to cook you casserole. The thing is, Little Christy, your future will definitely be different than the one you've been planning. For instance, I know you have your heart set on it, but you are not going to have a moon bounce at your 21st birthday. In fact, from here on out, each birthday you have is less of a celebration and more of a reminder that you are crawling closer and closer to the grave.

OH, aaaand spoiler alert -- the Spice Girls break up.

Cool, well, I'm going to go, kid. This was kind of a waste of time. Hope I haven't left you in a confusing state of anger and despair.

In general, I think Little Christy is pretty pissed with the prospects of her future, but she'll get over it. What would your childhood self think of the life you're living?


  1. This is so funny! I love the idea of chatting away with your past self.

    I always wanted to be an artist and now... I'm a graphic designer who doesn't design, but I do art... sometimes... I don't know, I guess past Jenn would be disappointed too. (But making a living off of art is harder than you realize, child!)

    Jenn | Business, Life & Design

  2. I was pretty sure I was going to become a physical therapist, end up working at a Children's Hospital in NYC where my Prince (THE Prince, a.k.a. William) would visit for some philanthropy thing and fall madly in love with me and we'd get married.

    Public Relations in Arkansas for a trucking company and single doesn't even come close. But I visit NYC as much as possible, still hoping for that chance run-in with a Prince Charming. :)

  3. I always thought I would be an astronaut and go into space because I invented something that no one else could fix but myself and I would need to be there if something went wrong. I am an engineer now, but I mostly sit in my cubicle all day hating the paperwork I have to do.

    Oh, and I live in Rockford, IL so that's not really exciting either... So maybe child Liz would be a little disappointed. But at least I married a sweet, handsome man as well!

  4. When I was 11 I told people I was going to be Shania I totally understand. Little Rebecca would be pretty upset my boring day job. I'm trying to figure out a way to still make her happy.

  5. My childhood self would be horrified of my future, but current me is pretty pleased with everything. Childhood me wanted to be an actress. singer, dancer, doctor, surgeon, veterinarian, wife and mom. It honestly never crossed my mind that I couldn't be all those things. I was gonna be on Broadway and win an Oscar and marry a hottie and have cute babies. My inspiration was Britney Spears. Fortunately life has worked more in my favor than hers. I did manage to marry a hottie and I am a legit dancer, so I'm just gonna call it a win.

  6. Haha, this was so cute! And I looooved Reba, too! :)

  7. I get you on the Reba thing. I wanted to grow up to be Paula Abdul. And, in the wise words of one Mr. Garth Brooks (I feel like this is your language I'm speaking), sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

  8. This is too cute! I just wrote a couple posts sharing wisdom with myself of 10 and 20 years ago, but I didn't think of being so creative as to use past photos to demonstrate my reactions. Great idea!!

  9. This was a cute post! I'm pretty sure my childhood self would be pretty disappointed with my lack of travel and adventure...but that is ok...I'm working on it.

  10. This is literally my favorite post ever I'm obsessed with you

  11. Listening to Reba McEntire as an adult is a guilty pleasure : )
    I still get goosebumps when 'Fancy' comes on!


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