I am in search of an oil painting featuring a lady looking demure and bold and just absolutely awesome. Do you have one to spare?
Allow me to explain...
Recently, while zoning out on Instagram, I stumbled upon a brilliant collaboration between the incomparable Jen Gotch (founder & creator of ban.do) and the good people at Chairish. They were hosting a live auction of some phenomenal vintage finds, including a strawberry cookie jar, a giant lighter, and the most delightful goat-shaped bottle opener I've ever seen.
Now, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a sucker for vintage paraphernalia. If I were to describe my perfect day, a huge part of it would include rummaging through old bottles, postcards, and stale-smelling clothing at a well-curated antique shop. It's something I do a lot. A lot, a lot.
So naturally, a virtual vintage experience on Instagram was intriguing to me. The way it worked was that they would post a picture of an item, and the first person to comment with #sold got dibs. Obviously, everything was moving wildly fast, so I had the hashtag copied and ready to paste just in case I fell in love with something. And, friends, I did.
|Via Instagram @chairishco|
That's Jen Gotch (with RYAN GOSLING LEGGINGS OHMYGODWHAT CAN I HAVE THEM) holding the artwork of my dreams. When this picture went up, my brain exploded. I fell in love with the woman in this painting. Her white hair, her confident smirk, her ambiguous nakedness -- she just seemed perfect to me. I hesitated for a second, though, because the price seemed a little steep ($158), and in that wretched moment, someone with better decision-making skills commented and stole her from me. Not to be dramatic, but my world basically crumbled.
Ever since this exquisite sighting, I've been on the hunt for something similar. I can't really explain it. Something about seeing this picture just flipped a switch in me. I am now fixated on finding an oil portrait of a woman who exudes her same level of strength, confidence, and unabashed femininity. I guess I want her to be my spirit animal. I want to hang her in my office and look up at her for inspiration while I'm working. And I want to name her. Maybe something like Delores. Then when a friend comes to visit me, I want to say something like, "Have you met Delores?" and then I'll laugh and laugh with a strange twinkle in my eyes. And as my friend starts to slowly back away from this scene, I want to continue laughing, more maniacally than ever, until they finally exit. And then it's just me and Dolores again, and I give her a bit of a wink, and I keep on working.
I don't know, I haven't thought everything through. But here's what I've come up with so far by googling woman + oil + portrait (by the way, if you plan on searching those same terms, you are going to see a TON of boobs. Of all shapes a sizes. You have been warned.):
To be clear, I'd be happy to hang any of these portraits up in my office and call them Delores. Maybe I'll curate a collection over time. Again, I haven't thought it through.
Have you ever been on an obsessive hunt for a particular item?
Tell me about it so I won't feel crazy!
Also, P.S. If you buy any of these portraits out from under me, I guess that's your prerogative. But if it's on ebay, just know that I'm willing to engage in a pretty intense bidding war. So...yeah.