While I'm happy for him, I have to admit, I've always been jealous of the fact that Elton John wrote a song about my husband, Daniel. And you know what, while we're making confessions here, I've got to say I've often felt a slight tinge of envy over the fact that Bob Dylan composed a seven-minute ballad for my sister, Johanna. Even my college roommate, Kelsey, had a band called Metro Station singing her praises on the radio a few years back.
And look, while in reality I understand that these songs weren't actually written in honor of these people I know, I still can't help but think of them every time I hear their corresponding name-songs.
♫ Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane.... ♫
♫ These visions of Johanna, they kept me up past the dawn... ♫
♫ I'd swim the ocean for you, oh, Kelsey... ♫
I've heard somewhere that everyone's favorite word is their own name, and if that narcissistic factoid is true, it explains why I got so excited when I found out that there is a song out there called "Christy". Before this, the closest I'd ever come to the whole "this song is about me!" front is probably Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl." But let's be honest, isn't that song basically about all of us? I mean, if over half of the population has brown eyes, and half of the population is made up of women, doesn't that mean that the description applies to roughly a quarter of the entire world's population? (Is that how math works?)
Anyway, as of this week, it seems as though my luck has changed in the name-song department. My sister, Johanna (the one Bob Dylan was having all of those visions about) introduced me to a track by Natalie Prass called "Christy", and folks, it's perfect. It's this hauntingly beautiful melody set to baroque, orchestral sounds, and well, I'm just in love with it. And it's not because it has my name in it (but guys, it totally has my name in it).
Take a listen:
♫ Christy, a name that isn't too short or too sweet...♫
♫ There's a shadow of a smile in your eyes, Christy...♫
If you pay close attention, you'll note that the Christy that Prass is singing about here is...like...not exactly an awesome person. It's kind of like a Jolene situation -- you know, the one where Dolly Parton pleads with a woman named Jolene: "I'm begging you, please don't take my man." (Damn, I love that song so much).
But while that characterization is not necessarily on-brand for me, I still dig my new name-song. After listening to and falling in love with it, I wanted to see if there were by chance any other Christy songs out there that I'd missed. And oh my, YouTube delivered.
♫ Christy, yeah, she's gonna break your heart again♫
Apparently, Christy is a name that is associated with heartbreak. Who knew? But anyway, this poppy, punky anthem from 2001 is by a group called Tina & The Total Babes, which...hang on...IS THAT NOT THE BEST BAND NAME EVER? I Wikipedia'd them and it turns out they ultimately changed their name to Trashwomen, which in my opinion, is a total downgrade, but whatever. I still dig this song. The Christy in this tune is less of a seductress with ill-intent and more of a bad ass lady who doesn't trust men, applies red lipstick at midnight, and is "too cool to care" about her torn stockings. Plus, it seems she's also a total Hottie McHotHot, so of course, this song gets my stamp of approval.
I'm sure there are other songs out there called "Christy", but as you can see, I'm quite satisfied with the ones I've got right here. I'll probably play them while giving myself positive affirmations in the mirror each morning. Kidding, I don't do that (but if I did, it would probably look a lot like this).
And since I found my name-songs, I figured I might as well pay it forward. Here's all of the songs that I can think of off the top of my head that invoke a woman's name, so if any of these apply to you, you're welcome:
If your name is April... try April by Simon & Garfunkel.
If your name is Amanda... try Amanda by Boston.
If your name is Julia... try Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard by Simon & Garfunkel, and just pretend he's just mispronouncing your name.
If your name is Maria... try Maria from West Side Story, OR if you're feeling a bit down on yourself, try How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? from The Sound of Music. Or I guess you could try Ave Maria, but you know, don't be weird.
If your name is Beyoncé...try Yonce by Queen Bey.
If your name is Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary, Jessica, Angela, or Pamela...obviously you should try Mambo Number 5 by Lou Bega, and then you can proceed to curse the day that you ever heard that song because it's the worst and it stays in your head forever.
Meh, I've run out of steam on this charitable endeavor. Sorry about that. But still, I'm dying to know...