Is It Just Me: My brain doesn't work anymore

• Do you sometimes forget the name of the street on which you live? 
• Is it common for you to skip conjunctions while writing or speaking? 
• Have you recently purchased a sweater from Old Navy with no recollection of where you put it? 
• Do you look back on essays you wrote in college and think to yourself, "How the hell did I ever write so many words all at once?"

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you might be losing your mind. That's okay, though, because I am too. They say the mind is the first thing to go, after all.

Really though, is anyone else experiencing this? In recent days, I have been feeling like my brain is in slow motion. Just over all, I feel less sharp, less quick, less quippy. No longer am I Lorelai Gilmore with my coffee-infused, manic, Sorkin-esque speech patterns. No, no. I'm Elmer Fudd. I'm Grandpa Simpson. I'm....uh....some other pop culture reference of someone who speaks and thinks slowly.

It's not just in my communication, but across the board, I just feel like I am slow on the uptake. Lately I have found myself asking, "What's another word for..." or "Who was that guy who..." or "Where did I put my..." With increasing frequency, I have been walking into rooms, announcing myself by saying, "Wait...why did I come in here?"

It's a phenomenon that has truly left me puzzled and, honestly, a bit fearful. I have always prided myself on being quick to act, responsive, bright. It's a strange thing to suddenly feel my mind becoming less acute. I've racked my brain for a reason why, which was probably not a great idea considering how fragile it is at the moment, and here are a few possible explanations I've come up with for this unforeseen shift in my cognitive functions:

1. I am getting older.

Via omgfacts.com

Like, hold up -- I know I'm still a baby. I'm around that quarter of a century mark, and I know that if Nora Ephron were here today, she would implore me to celebrate my youth by spending the next eight years of my life in a bikini. I get it, there is still a whole lot of livin' left to do.

Still, I can't help but think that perhaps right now I am experiencing a premature stage of the aging process. It's a subtle change, but perhaps this is really what happens as you grow older. If so, I need not worry because it's not just happening to me, but it's also occurring in the lives of everyone in my age bracket. Right? RIGHT?!

2. I haven't been in school for a few years. 

Via baylor.edu

Man oh man, guys, remember school? You know, reading, writing, arithmetic -- that whole thing? And college! Remember college? If you went, that is. No worries if not because lucky for you, you don't have student loans to deal with.

Still, if you attended a university: remember how you could just walk into a lecture hall, sit down, and have your worldview completely transformed by your Introductory Sociology class? Remember how you would study for finals until you could barely lift your head from your notes? Remember the class discussions, the debates, the critical thinking?

Being in school always initiated a pursuit of more. There was rigorous study involved -- homework, essays, research. But for the first time in my life, I don't have that system in place. If I want to learn and grow, I have to muster up my own energy to find new ways to do that. And if I am being honest, I am not always the best at it. I'm a lover of museums, travel, books, but Lord knows, I regularly choose Netflix over all of those things.

And as such, I think my brain might be paying the price. Where brain go?

3. Mercury is in retrograde.

Via trackingtrendz.com

Now, I don't personally believe in astrology in any way, shape, or form, but that doesn't stop me from blaming all of my problems on it. You may have read about this whole Mercury in retrograde thing -- basically this current astrological phenomenon supposedly means that communication is all out of whack. Phones go on the fritz, deals fall through, arguments occur, Instagram breaks down every time you try to use the Walden filter -- that kind of thing. Many people think that during this season, their ability to express themselves is severely limited.

Again, I don't believe in any of this. But how fun is it to accidentally say something stupid and then follow it up with, "Ugh, forget I said that. Mercury is in retrograde, right?" Pretty fun.

4. Maybe I should...ugh...eat better and...bluh...exercise more

Via mashable.com

Apparently eating right and exercising is crucial in supporting cognitive health.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. I am being haunted.

Via nativepeach.com

Hey, if we can blame our problems on the alignment of the planets, then ghosts are certainly not outside of the realm of possibility. Perhaps I've got some super dumb spirit haunting my brain, and if that's the case, I probably deserve it. This would obviously be the coolest explanation, but it would also be the hardest to overcome. Ghosts hold grudges. Everyone knows that.

Happy Halloween!


Anyway, I thought I'd throw this out there in case anyone happened to relate. Is it just me?! Am I the only one who is noticing this delay in cognitive functioning in my life?

Also if you have any thoughts on how I can increase my mental productivity, leave them in the comments section.

Oh, and for the record, I just looked over this entire post and I had to correct my spelling of the word "brain" three different times (originally spelled "brian"). Yet another example of my dwindling cerebral capacities.

How to Fight Negative Self-Talk

Our minds are powerful things. Think about it.The human brain is single-handedly responsible for imagining some pretty incredible stuff -- things that are so ubiquitous in our present-day culture that we neglect to consider that they are the spawn of a brainstorm.

For instance, if you'll allow me to wrinkle your brain for a moment, Batman is not real and neither are unicorns (hopefully you knew that). Someone at some point imagined a unicorn...as in, they were literally the first person to ever think about a horn growing from a horse's head. Equally amazing: someone also conjured up in their big, beautiful brain a story of a billionaire named Bruce Wayne who is a vigilante, tights-wearing guardian of Gotham City.

Via

Doubly amazing: someone had the foresight to realize that these two imagined beings would look great in a picture together.

The human brain is simply astounding. It can write symphonies, remember telephone numbers, feel happiness and hurt, control our cardiovascular system, tell our feet to walk when it's time to walk, process multiple stimuli in an instant, and even imagine leprechauns (also fake...I hope I'm not rocking your worldview today).

But as much as the human mind helps, it also hinders. After all, it is our brains that lead us to be the totally judgmental, self-righteous jerks that we are. 

There's no telling who this guy is judging, but you know he's judging someone.

Some judgements are good, by the way. You can judge between a toilet and a cereal bowl and determine which one you want to eat your breakfast out of. That is a good judgement.

Negative judgements are the things we think about people we hardly know based on their physical appearance, the way they talk, the family they come from, their profession, or any number of nitpicky reasons. Negative judgements are also the terrible things we tend to think about ourselves. I'm not sure what part of the brain makes us do this, but I'm sure it's the ugliest part. 

Today, for whatever reason, I got caught in a particularly bad cycle of negative self-talk. I kept subconsciously chastising myself for leaving the straightener on all day or being too lazy to eat well. These judgements were small in my mind, but by the end of today, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach by the mighty fist of my own self-loathing. 

I hope you haven't experienced this, but I'm pretty sure you have. It just happens sometimes, and it can be like a disease. But, like any disease, the key is early detection. If you suspect you are talking crap about yourself, you probably are. So stop it! 

Again, I will say, the mind is a powerful thing.

Instead use your mind to think about something great like baby animals or waterfalls. Imagine a whole new realm of creatures comparable to a unicorn or Batman. Put them all in an arena, and see who would win in a fight.

Via

Or better yet, use the power of your mind to think about someone other than yourself. The best way to combat self-loathing is by removing yourself from the equation altogether. Go make someone a pie or plan a dinner with that friend you've been too preoccupied to listen to. 

And in the end, use your brain to remember that you are precious and valuable. You were created above so many other creatures (seriously, what is the DEAL with snails!) and no dumb thing you do in this world will make that untrue.

I am mostly writing this as a reminder for myself, but feel free to share it with someone who you think needs to hear it. Also, I just wanted to show you pictures of sharks and unicorns, so I'm going to give myself a self-high-five now and go to bed.