What I Learned By Playing 'My Idol'

Man, guys, this world is an amazing place. I mean, think about it. Here's a list of awesome things that this spinning, watery orb has to offer:

-Mountains

-Balloons

-Crab cakes

-Those restaurant mints that melt in your mouth

-The Marvel Universe

-Bras with front clasps

-Twinkle lights

-Food samples

-Toddlers wearing glasses

-The peach emoji 

-Wrap dresses

-Pastry chefs

-Munchkin cats

-Kristen Wiig

And speaking of wondrous things that this world has to offer, can we talk about the My Idol app? Because, seriously, guys, it is everything I love about living on Planet Earth. 

If you haven't heard of My Idol (you have, though, because it's been everywhere), it's an app by Chinese developers that creates strikingly realistic avatars. It's pretty much what dreams are made of, and by dreams, of course, I mean nightmares. Feast your eyes upon this:

If it is't plainly obvious at first glance, that's me. And if you are quite familiar with my appearance, you'll note that this avatar really looks like me. I've seen a lot of pictures of myself in life and I look in the mirror just about every day, and I have to admit that this creepy as all hell app got it totally right.

I first heard about My Idol whenever my sister sent me this article from Buzzfeed last week. Without it, I'm sure I would have been completely lost because as you may have realized by now, the entire app is in Chinese. Sadly, I've been putting off learning Chinese for a while. My bad.

Anyway, the way it works is that it constructs your avatar based off of an image. And it doesn't even have to be a particularly good image. Here's what I started with:

Ignore the crazed expression and hair. I was trying to get my bangs out of the way so that my avatar didn't look like it had random strands growing out of its forehead.

From there, the app constructed an image for me. For some reason, it seemed to guess that I was female, but I've heard stories of ladies ending up with guy bodies and the other way around. Here's what my avatar looked like at first: 

I'm rocking a giant head and a significant thigh gap just like I do IRL, obvi. 

Of course, there are tons of ways to customize these things. Here I am as a cowgirl:

Here I am in a dignified red suit:

Here I am as some kind of giant, sexy ram:

It's shocking enough to look at a still version of my avatar, but it's downright terrifying once these things start moving. Here I am jubilantly distributing pills out of a giant suitcase, because of course:

Here I am chilling with my surfboard while still being genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of others:

Plus, there's a million other things My Idol lets you do such as sing Chinese pop songs, ride a motorcycle, be a zombie, pole dance -- pretty much everything you've always wanted to do. The app used to have a feature in which you could dance to a Justin Timberlake song, but I'm pretty sure they didn't have the rights to it, so it has since been replaced. Sorry, I guess your avatar can't bring sexy back.

As I was using My Idol, a thought occurred to me: what would it look like if I tested this whole thing out with my celebrity doppelgänger? By the way, if you're new to this blog, let me catch you up to speed. My celebrity doppelgänger just so happens to be the #1 person on your mom's celebrity sex list: Josh Groban.

If you're not sold on this comparison, that's fine. Still, the similarities have been pointed out to me by friends and strangers alike ever since I was in high school. When I look at pictures of Josh Groban, that part of my brain that signals that I'm looking at a picture of myself fires like crazy. I see the resemblance, for sure, but I figured My Idol would be the perfect arena to test this out. Here's how it went down:

Test #1: Turn Josh Groban into myself.

I grabbed this picture of J-money from a good ole Google image search.

After a significant makeover, here's the Christyfied version:

I'll be the first to admit, it's not great. He looks more like a terrified Zach Braff with no eyebrows (no idea how I did that). Of course, I didn't want to put anymore effort into finding a better picture of Grobes, so I just did the next logical thing:

Test #2: Turn myself into Josh Groban.

I think we can all agree: I nailed it. 

So after all of this time spent on My Idol, what have I learned? Well, for starters, nothing. I learned absolutely nothing. But if I had to make something up, I guess I would say that --

1) Chinese fashion is ON POINT. I legitimately want that cat sweatshirt, like, now.

2) Regardless of how many times I've watched myself aggressively rapping in Chinese, this game has yet to lose its novelty.

3) The uncanny valley is a real thing.

4) I am not my own idol.

5) I look really cool on a motorcycle. I should get a motorcycle.

Also, before I go, please enjoy this "Early Morning" version of myself that I created by taking a selfie just as I was waking up:

She keeps me grounded.

Have you played My Idol? What was your experience?

UPDATE: Josh Groban has since confirmed that I did indeed nail it. 

@christyoshoney #nailedit

— josh groban (@joshgroban) May 1, 2015

The Internet is a wonderful place.

9 Things I Want From My Next Brooklyn Apartment

Guys, I really was not expecting the fantastic response that I got for my last post wherein I discussed my resemblance to Josh Groban. You guys are awesome. If you want to tweet at him to let him know about our uncanny likeness, I'm definitely not going to stop you (on that note, if you're not following @avoidingatrophy on Twitter, you might be missing out on lots of insight into the Animal Planet series, My Cat From Hell). 

Anyway, just in case you have never experienced jealousy for my life, here was my day today:

Nothing but cat leggings, wool socks, and writing stories while snow fell right outside my window (not pictured: green tea and a live feline who may or may not have decided to cuddle right up next to me). I get to have days like this because I work from home, so while the rest of New York City gets their faces assaulted by frozen water, I get to watch it all happen as though it were my own little snow globe.

But as you can see, I didn't really get to watch much. The windows in my apartment face out onto a dank ally where, for whatever reason, my neighbors have lately decided to throw a bunch of burnt toast. It's a rough life here in Brooklyn when scorched bread has to be thrown out of a window instead of into a trashcan. 

On that note, I want to move. Not from the city, not even from my neighborhood. I just want a different apartment. The thing is, right now, we don't necessarily live in the hell hole that I'm sure many out-of-staters might assume a young couple would live in Brooklyn. Our apartment is a true one bedroom with plenty of space (bigger than our apartment in Texas), hard wood floors, and since it's a prewar building, we have all of those cute little accents like archways and a weirdly grand lobby. Of course, by our standards, we pay through the nose, but relatively, it's a steal.

So why do I want to move? It's a lot of small reasons that collectively provide the framework to dream that something better might be out there. I've become obsessed with the Trulia app. I scour real estate listings like it is my job, and every now and then, when I think I may have found a slightly respectable diamond in the cesspool that is New York real estate listings, I shoot a breezy email to see if I can view the apartment. My husband and I have decided -- if we find a new place, we're moving, but I've not had a lot of luck so far.

Here's what I'm looking for in the Brooklyn apartment of my dreams:

1. A dishwasher

Via

Having a dishwasher would eliminate 90% of the tension in our marriage. We wash everything by hand these days, and our dishes just never feel clean (anyone want to come over for a dinner party?)

2. A parking space

Via

We are the rare freaks of New York City who have a car, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Come the zombie apocalypse, we're going to be able to hightail it out of here in just enough time to not have our brains eaten. That's the hope anyway. Still, it would be nice to have a permanent parking space so we wouldn't have to do laps around our block like a couple of sharks.

3. A top floor unit (as well as an elevator to get me there)

I mean, is this so much to ask for? (Via)

If I have yet to complain about my upstairs neighbors on this blog, I am seriously surprised by my restraint. They are positively obnoxious in their aggressive loudness. We've talked to them, been screamed at by them, reported them to our management, and NOTHING. It's a lost cause, and living on a top floor and becoming someone else's loud upstairs neighbors just sounds like a better deal to me, honestly.

4. A view

My current view...no joke.

It could literally be a view of anything. A bare street, someone's unkempt backyard, a cemetery -- I don't care. Anything other than a dirty ally full of burnt toast. That's all I ask.

5. A laundry room on site that doesn't look like Hannibal Lecter hangs out there

Via

There's a fun story here about how my husband watched an insane man go down into our basement with a butcher knife and now I never use our laundry facilities. All I want is a place to do my laundry with machines that work and where a horror film has likely not been conceived.

6. Central AC

Via

This is a rare amenity in these prewar buildings, and I totally get it. These are old apartments. We have a window unit. It works fine, but man, I miss the days of being able to equally cool every room in my home. 

7. Lots of sunlight

Via

Sunlight = inspiration. Inspiration = the next great American novel, maybe?

8. A normal shower

Our present-day shower. Are you depressed yet?

Right now, our shower is on the long side of the wall. We have to use two shower curtains because of our weird curtain rod. It's actually a lot less inconvenient than it sounds, but every time I'm in a hotel and I take a shower facing the normal direction, I am reminded of how strange my daily life is.

9. Proximity to the subway and fabulous restaurants/groceries

For the record, I would like to live exactly two blocks from this subway stop.

A girl's got to get places and girl's got to eat.

Anyway, all of these things probably don't seem like that big of a deal, but for the price I'm looking for, I'm basically asking for a miracle. I hold out hope though, and I'll definitely keep you posted if I find something worth while. I just have to keep reminding myself, I live in New York City, a town where anything is possible.

And hey, if you have any savvy New York real estate advice, please let me know in the comments section! The same goes for anyone who just wants to complain about their living situation. I hear you, man.

Josh Groban Has My Face

First off, I just want you all to know that I look like Josh Groban in a pretty big way.

I’ve known this for a while now. A friend in high school pointed it out to me, and a few weeks later my dad rushed into my room to tell me that a man with my face was singing the national anthem on television – it was Groban. Since he’s grown in popularity over the years, it’s been a frequent occurrence for someone to look at me with a puzzled expression, grin, and say, “You know who you look--” and before they can even finish, I’ll interrupt with “Josh Groban?” This seems to tickle everyone, except for my dentist who responded, “No, actually. I was going to say Jennifer Garner.”

What? No.

When someone is convinced that they look just like a celebrity when they completely don’t, it can be a little sad. I learned this during Doppelgänger Week a few years ago on Facebook when everyone replaced their profile photos with their celebrity lookalikes. This was the picture I used:

That week, every girl thought she was Anne Hathaway and every guy thought he was Paul Rudd. Oh, bless. Maybe Pauly Shore at best, man. Maybe.

On the flip side, when someone points out your likeness to someone else, it can be hard to see for yourself. After all, as your mother told you, you are a special snowflake made out of angel dust. How could anyone even come close to matching your features?

That’s typically how I feel. But guys, straight up, when I look at pictures of Josh Groban, I can’t help but laugh. It’s uncanny. I mean, there are differences, sure, the most obvious being his lack of breasts, but other than that I totally see it. It’s a resemblance with which I am honestly pleased. He’s a handsome man. I like to think I’m a handsome woman. Plus, he’s hilarious on Twitter.

The only bummer is I have not figured out a way to capitalize on this likeness. I’m still waiting for the Craigslist ad that says, “Looking for female Josh Groban impersonator for gender-bending bat mitzvah! $$$” So far, nothing. Keep your ear to the ground, folks.

By the way, if you’re not seeing the resemblance, no worries. I’m totally prepared to not look like a man. It’s all the same to me. Anyway, who is YOUR celebrity doppelgänger?

Oh wait, before I leave, I wanted to bring just a couple of things to your attention:

1. This dog can talk.

2. My husband, a teacher who works at a Title I school here in Brooklyn, is raising funds for a robotics program! This would make a huge impact in the lives of these students, kids who come from lower-income families who could really benefit from this engaging, unique math/science educational opportunity. Go check out his Donors Choose page to learn more about this program, and THIS WEEK ONLY, Disney will match any donation up to $100 if you use the promo code "DISNEY" at checkout. That means, if you give $10, $20 goes towards funding this awesome project. Seriously, that’s amazing. Donate now!

3. My giveaway of a Jules & Sparkle Necklace is still live! If you haven’t already entered, go get after it!

4. I still have some sponsor spots available, and this month, you can use the promo code “SWEETDEAL” to get 50% off! That’s just $7.50 to either write a guest post or have a Sponsor Spotlight written about you by me! Plus, your banner will hang out on my sidebar for the month. Sweet deal, indeed. Head on over to my Advertise Page to learn more.

Okay, now I’m really leaving. Have a lovely weekend! Here’s hoping you run into your celebrity doppelgänger and they invite you on their yacht or something!