3 Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, at this very hour, I was shaking a maraca.

I had just gotten married to a man with the jawline of a Disney prince, and this man had made promises in front of all of our family and friends to love me and honor me for the rest of our lives. If ever there is an occasion in life to shake a maraca, I think that's probably it.

Three years ago today, at this exact hour, the people I loved most were dancing their faces off.

They really were. Like, their faces were actually potentially melting off. The room was a sweaty, beautiful mess of some of the most incredible human beings I've ever known just getting cray. It was seriously what I imagine Heaven will be like.

Three years ago today, at this exact hour, I was beyond thankful. Beyond humbled. I danced alongside amazing people: those who had mentored me and my new husband, those who had prayed for us, cried with us, laughed so hard it hurt with us, people who had been there the very day we met, people who had known us from birth. I felt positively wealthy with the love poured out from these individuals. Filthy stinking rich, actually. 

Three years ago today, at this exact hour, my new husband and I had no idea what the rest of our lives would bring. 

We didn't know that we would spend the next few months working a total of seven part-time jobs between the two of us. 

We didn't know that within the year, we would leave our sweet, comfortable life in Austin for the adventure of a lifetime in New York City. 

We didn't know that we would spend the first four months of that adventure living with three cats that weren't ours in a Brooklyn sublet apartment. 

We didn't know that finding our own apartment in Brooklyn would be an agonizing hellride. 

We didn't know that our favorite restaurant would be a pan asian place on Cortelyou Road called Purple Yam. 

We didn't know that our careers would be turned upside down and rightside up more times than we could count. 

We didn't know that we would join a wonderful church, let alone that we would help in planting one in Midtown, Manhattan. 

We didn't know that we would meet people so beautiful, patient, kind, hilarious, and wise -- people whose friendship would change the way we see the world. 

We didn't even know that we would adopt a cat named Frasier...and that he would be awesome (I mean, we figured as much, but we didn't know).

Three years ago today, at this exact hour, we were just a clueless husband and wife team dancing, laughing, singing hit songs from the summer of 2011 while shaking maracas.

Just look at these idiots.

Three years later, at this exact hour, we are sitting in our Brooklyn apartment after a day of exploring the city we love. Our cat, Frasier, is nowhere to be seen. He's probably hiding in a closet somewhere being awesome as per usual. 

A lot about our lives has changed since that night three years ago. Different city, new friends, new jobs, new dreams. But one thing remains: we are still utterly clueless. We have little idea what the next few years will bring, and we think that's completely fine, honestly. What we have is each other, what we have is a community of people who love us, and hey, we still have those maracas, so I think we're good.

Now, if you don't mind, I'll take a quick moment to address that husband of mine:

Husband of mine, Happy Anniversary. As a fierce lover of books and movies, you know that many stories seem to end with a wedding, and I think that's honestly a damn shame. For us, our story was put into hyperdrive the minute we said "I do," and since then, that story just keeps building and getting way more interesting. In these three years, the two of us have done the weirdest, most wonderful things that I ever could have dreamed possible. There is no one else on this earth with whom I would want to share such a story. 

Daniel, you are nice and hilarious and warm and loving and so very brave. Thank you for asking me to marry you. 

And thanks to EVERYONE, every last one of you, who has supported and loved us along the way. On a day that celebrates our relationship, all we can really talk about is how grateful we are for you. Really. Like, we can't shut up about it. We love you.

A Birthday For The Books

If I can count on anything in my life, it's that I will always arrive at some sort of existential crisis sometime around my birthday. It's inevitable. There is something about a day of the year devoted to my birth that tends to really wig me out.

Knowing this about me, my husband usually goes to great lengths to make me feel special, and this year was no exception. My birthday was this last Saturday, and it was truly one of the best ones yet. I was so distracted with the incredible time I was having that, believe it or not, I pretty much forgot to ponder my existence. Here are some of the wonderful things that surrounded that day:

1. I got a haircut, which I've been needing for about seven months, and then I took this pretty ballin' selfie while waiting for the Q train.

#likeyourself

2. I went ice skating in Prospect Park and only fell ONCE! 

Natch

3. When my feet started hurting, Daniel and I used our time on the ice as a photoshoot opportunity (duh)...

and then a glorious gust of wind made this magic happen...

4. We drank our fair share of sangria at my favorite boozy brunch spot on the UWS, Calle Ocho.

5. From there, we got our bearings in Central Park. We sat on a bench and gave voices to all of the dogs who passed us, and I taught Daniel how to harmonize to Silent Night for some reason. Oh, sangria.

6. After the music lesson, we ventured to the Museum of Natural History -- the place where Daniel's dreams are born. Despite my fairly lacking science background, I just absolutely love this place.

I may or may not have also given voices to all of the taxidermied animals. This one is saying "Hmmm?" like Yoda:

7. We then capped off our date with a trip to Magnolia Bakery because it's New York City, baby, and cupcakes are essential to any jaunt on the Upper West Side (or Sex & The City walking tour).

My birthday ended with an intensely amazing gift from Daniel. Knowing my love for theatrics and ridiculous Youtube clips, Daniel made video reenactments of a couple of my all-time favorites (along with the help of our dear friends, Clint & Jess). He did an incredible rendition of Crying Sorority Girl that you can view right here. It's pretty spot on, if you ask me.

It should also be noted that there was a celebration with friends on the eve of my birthday, at which I forgot to take pictures (and as we all know, if you are a blogger and you didn't take a picture, then it didn't actually happen).

No, but it did happen though, and it was a wonderful night of cheap beer, belly laughs, handmade cards, and scrumptious pasta. Thanks to everyone who came out and made me feel like a million bucks.

And, of course, a big thanks to THIS GUY:

The only photographic evidence from Friday's hoorah

Daniel's unfailing desire to see me smile makes every single day of my life such a joy, but it makes birthdays an absolute all-out blast. Thanks, boo. I still managed to fit in my annual existential crisis in the midst of all of this, but it was much more fun on ice skates.

Hope you all have a fabulous week, and if you're having a birthday, may the ratio of cupcakes to panic attacks be, like, 11: 0! 

Why We Work

Today, I'm linking up with The Daily Tay and Life of Bon to talk about this crazy little thing called love. But first, as always, allow me to ramble my way into it...

Last night, I went to a discussion on modern romance hosted by comedian Aziz Anzari and NYU professor of Sociology, Eric Klinenberg. Going in, I had no real idea what to expect. I had applied through Aziz's website a while back when they were looking for folks in committed relationships to participate in some sort of conversation. I figured it was a long shot, which is why my brain did a little irish jig upon receiving an email that said I had been selected. I was asked not to bring my significant other, so instead, I brought a significant someone else: my beautiful friend, Lauren.

Lauren and I gal-ing it up on GALentine's before the discussion began

At the top of the show, Aziz worked on some of his new material with all of us, and no surprises here, I was in absolute stitches. That man is such a treasure. From there, he invited Klinenberg to the stage to help facilitate a conversation with the audience. I won't get into the details of the discussion here since it will likely be used for their future projects, but let me just say that it was lively, hilarious, thought-provoking, and generally very respectful. A lot of the topics brought up didn't specifically pertain to my relationship (I haven't been single since I was sixteen years old, so I am not so familiar with the intricacies of modern dating). Because of this, I never added my two cents at any point, but it was seriously fascinating to listen to people working out what it means to be in a committed relationship at this stage in life. 

But of course, I'd still love to give you my insight, if that's okay. 

If you are a reader of this blog, you know my stance on romantic relationships, particularly of the marital variety -- overwhelmingly PRO. My husband and I have been married for two years, dated six years before that, and we are genuinely pumped by the idea of riding this old marriage train to its last stop ("last stop" being a fun euphemism for death, by the way). 

"Here we go!"

So while we are pretty jazzed about the whole marital concept, the question still remains: why exactly do Daniel and I "work"?

The truth is, we don't, or rather, we shouldn't. In many ways, our most stand-out qualities are totally at odds with each other. 

He's easy-going. 

I'm a Queen Victoria-level control-freak. 

I'm an introvert (frustrated with being mistaken for an extrovert). 

He's an extrovert (with the sometimes-appearance of an introvert). 

He's a science teacher.

I once (regrettably) told my 7th grade science teacher that her class was a waste of my time. 

He eats cottage cheese...just, like, on its own.

I...do not...because that's disgusting. 

We are different in so many ways, but it's mostly the compatible kind of different -- the kind which strengthens the other person in an area where they might feel lacking. I once described this concept of compatibility to someone as "filling each other's holes." This individual looked at me with an embarrassed expression, and then I took a beat and said, "Ooooh...no. Wait. Forget I said that."

So instead, think of it as filling each other's...cracks? Gaps? Gaps. There, that's better. Nailed it.

To give an example of this: Daniel's patience is a powerful antidote to my anxiety. His calm demeanor is like someone holding up a mirror to all of my life's overreactions. On the other side of things, according to Daniel, I help him see the world -- and particularly his relationships -- differently because of my sensitivity to the people around me. No big thang.

But if our relationship is a time piece then all of these little, happy differences are just the screws and cogs, but they are not what make the whole thing function. I think (and Daniel agrees. We talk about this a lot.) that the most basic thing that makes us "work" is the fact that we are profoundly FOR each other. My dreams are Daniel's dreams, and his are mine. We want, in a very real way, for the other person to have a wonderful life even to the point of setting aside our pride (sometimes). 

And I don't actually think this makes us very unique. This is probably the trademark quality of a lot of relationships. I've been observing this recently while watching the Olympics (a thing I never would have done without Daniel, by the way). There a lot of things I love about the Olympics, but I particularly appreciate watching the faces of moms and spouses moments before their favorite person in the world prepares to hurl themselves down a snowy mountain. There is that look of anticipation, joy, fear, but most of all, belief. 

That's honestly how I feel every day with Daniel -- like I'm on the sidelines of the most important figure skating routine of his life (just kidding, he would obviously do the louge), and all I can do is hold up some ridiculous, homemade sign and pray he doesn't die.

Yana Plushenko cheering on her hubs, Evegni, in the classiest way she knows how. (via)

And simultaneously, he's in my corner too freezing his ass off, willing me to land that triple axel. 

Or maybe we're pairs skaters. I don't know. This metaphor is falling apart.

But you get my point. We believe in each other. We are each other's biggest fans. 

Oh, and also, we're super into each other. That should not be overlooked in all of this because being fans of each other is not enough. I should know because I used to be Kevin Richardson's biggest fan, and now if I saw that guy walking down the street, I'd probably just keep on walking. Admiration for each other does not make up for broken expectations, moments when we essentially fail each other. That's a thing that really happens in marriage, and it's the scary part that makes a lot of people walk away. 

But love trumps all of our conditions -- the ones we all say we don't have for each other, but really we do. Love ushers in forgiveness, understanding, and joy. Daniel and I work because we really love each other.

And all of the joyful things of marriage after that just become bonuses. Watching Planet Earth together before bed, making fajitas, Daniel's ability to cheer me up instantly by saying "I'll sweep...I'll sweep the floor!" -- all of these things don't necessarily make us work, but they do make us awesome.

And speaking of awesome, here are some fantastically awkward pictures of Daniel and I back in the day:

Daniel, the first week I met him. At the time, this was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my entire life. I mean, he still is, but I'm now partial to the updated version.

Sneaking a selfie circa 2005, a month before we started dating and before selfies were even called selfies.

And here's a more recent selfie of us for comparison.

What makes your relationship work? Let me know in the comments section, or write a post of your own and link it up!

A Letter to My Thirteen-Year-Old Self

Dear Thirteen-Year-Old Christy,

I first want you to note that this letter is not being written to you with a gel pen. In the future, we have no need for those. This will definitely come as a shock to you considering that your yearbook this year had black cover pages forcing everyone to sign them with metallic ink. Whose idea was that? It was a terrible one.

But I haven't come here to just make fun of your life (though I plan to do plenty of that). That's not really fair. I've come here with some information that I wish I had known when I was your age along with some general life advice. You can take it or leave it, though I'm sure you will leave it because you are thirteen-years-old, and you think you know everything.

1. You will get married and your husband will be super hot. He will be an A+ spouse. You are going to meet him in a few years, and he will laugh at all of your terrible jokes. Here's what you guys will look like when you are sixteen-years-old. And for the record, you basically look the same when you are in your 20s.

2. That being said, chill out on whether boys like you or not. All of the boys in your grade are children. Do you know how I know this? Because YOU are a child. I see thirteen-year-olds walking down the street, and many of them are basically giant toddlers with foul mouths. I know you are rolling your eyes because you think "teen" means adult, but it doesn't. The boys in your life are not men. I tell you the truth: no man worth his salt will ask you out over AOL Instant Messenger or leave you alone at a roller skating rink.

3. You should stop parting your hair down the middle. Part it to the side. Just trust me on this one. You will thank me later.

4. Get some solid female role models. Look, Britney Spears is great. You'll be happy to know she's still around and she has become the queen of the reaction GIFs.

But I daresay there are better women you could look up to at this crucial time in your development. How about Amelia Earhart or Susan B. Anthony? Or have you heard of Tina Fey yet? You will. And it will change everything.

5. Your orthodontist is not lying when he tells you that wearing your retainer is important. Your teeth will experience a kind of continental drift otherwise. You have been warned.

6. Don't give up on math and science. For whatever reason, these skills start to decline around this time in your life. What happened? You used to go to math camp! The truth is you're not alone in this. Across the world, girls tend to outperform boys in these subjects, except for in the United States, Britain, and Canada. It is a gender gap that is largely environmental (here, Christy, read this article). I'll have you know that it is one of my life's biggest bummers that my math and science background is pretty crappy, and I just wish I had been able to remain confident in those areas. Read this book by Danica McKellar (you know her as Winnie Cooper), and keep your chin up.

7. Girl, you should really listen to this episode of This American Life about middle school. Trust me, it will help us both considerably. 

This American Life

Originally aired 10.28.2011

449: Middle School

Act One. Life in the Middle Ages.

In an effort to understand the physical and emotional changes middle school kids experience, Ira speaks with reporter Linda Perlstein, who wrote a book called Not Much Just Chillin' about a year she spent following five middle schoolers. Then we hear from producer Alex Blumberg, who was a middle school teacher in Chicago for four years before getting into radio. Alex's takeaway? We shouldn't even try teaching kids at this age. Marion Strok, principal of a successful Chicago school, disagrees. (6 1/2 minutes)

© 1995-2013 Chicago Public Media & Ira Glass

If you don't want to listen to it right now, that's cool. I know your attention span is limited, so I'll just give you the highlights. Here, Ira Glass talks with Linda Perlstein, an expert on middle schoolers and the author of the book Not Much Just Chillin'.

Linda Perlstein: This is the time of biggest growth for a human being, aside from infancy...During your middle school years, what happens during the early stages of puberty is this fast overproduction of brain cells and connections, far more than you actually need, and only some of them are going to survive puberty. This growth in your frontal cortex -- it peaks at 11 for girls and 12 for boys...and then what happens is the cells just fight it out for survival and the ones that last are the ones you exercise more. 

Ira Glass: In other words, during those years, your brain turns you into you -- the adult you. 

Basically, the things you are learning right now are the things that are going to stay with you forever! That is why, to this day, I still know every single word and vocal run of the Survivor album by Destiny's Child. Thanks for that, thirteen-year-old Christy, but you could totally be out learning five different languages and how to play the guitar and cello. You could be a multi-platinum, pentalingual recording artist by now! Get out there and learn, babe!

8. There is such freedom when you stop caring what people think. For the record, I still haven't really learned this lesson, but I've had my moments...

Unabashed freedom.

9. Later in life, you will regret being a jerk in middle school. I know you are just trying to survive, but there is a way of doing it that doesn't involve taking people down. In a little while, you will be in high school, and a lot of things will be different. You'll be able to chew gum in class, wear flip flops, and you will stop getting detentions for leaving your pencils in your locker. So much about your circumstance will be better, and without those distractions, you'll realize then that the type of survival you were seeking at the age of thirteen was actually totally not worth it. You will meet many people in this life, and every single one of them will have incredible, inherent value. Get in the habit of remembering that.

10. Your imagination is an immeasurably important tool, and you are on the cusp of losing it. I don't know when you stopped pretending that your backyard was a city or that the lady who cut your hair was a witch, but you should get back to that stuff as soon as possible. I know all you want right now are the things that come with adulthood, but I promise you that all I want now are the dreams that come with childhood. All children are given the gift of imagination, a gift that is carefully handed down from God like a collection of colorful helium balloons. If you hold onto imagination, you will fly to amazing places -- places that many people never get to see, places that even grownups should go. If you let go, even accidentally while focusing your attention elsewhere, imagination will leave you, and it will likely never return, and if it does, it will be a deflated version of what it was. Don't let go...even though you want to. Write stories every day and play always. It's the best thing you'll ever do.

That's really it. Again, I know you won't listen to any of this because people a lot wiser than me are telling you the exact same things, and you seriously don't care. Just know that, on some level, you are going to make it. For the record, I've still yet to start that girl group a la The Spice Girls, but give me just a couple more years. 

Take care, you weirdo. 

Future Christy

So that's what I would tell her. What would you say to your thirteen-year-old self? 

A Google Chat with My Husband

I am immediately regretting the promise I made yesterday to blog every day this week. You'd think that with such confidence, I would have at least had some topics lined up, but NOPE.

I literally came back from a happy hour with my beautiful friend Alex (writer of the lovely blog, The Shellhammer) and remembered that I had made this commitment. After staring at my computer, my feet, and let's be honest, a little Buzzfeed for the past thirty minutes, I started instant messaging my husband, Daniel, on gchat about my writer's block.

To be clear, he was in the living room, and I was in our bedroom. There was really no need for us to be on gchat with each other, but hopefully you won't judge us too harshly for that. Actually, instant messaging is a tradition in which our relationship is deeply rooted. In high school, we would chat via AOL instant messenger (AIM) under the screen names englishmuffin89 and dorkathart14 (which do you think Daniel was?) for hours and hours at a time. When we would end our chat with the traditional "g2g", I would immediately save our conversations in a little folder that I had cleverly named "Spanish" so that my sister wouldn't find it on our shared computer. It remains to this day one of the most stalker-like things I have ever done.

In case you've forgotten what AIM looks like, here it is. Also, is it just me, or is this conversation just absolutely ripe with sexual tension?

Now almost two years into our marriage, we rarely use instant messaging largely because we live together and we are not fifteen-years-old. But there is a certain art that I believe exists in this medium that should not be discounted which surrounds the gift of being able to record your dialogue. How often have you wondered what was actually said in a real-life conversation and wished that someone could present the transcript to you? Boom. Instant messaging.

What you are about to read is our conversation this evening, which I'm bringing to you for two reasons. 1) I am too exhausted to write anything else, and 2) I think there is value in seeing how married people talk to each other, even if they are just being a couple of weirdos. Most of this chat involves our plan for the zombie apocalypse, none of it involves proper punctuation or capitalization, and all of it involves the two of us just flirting.

Also, by the way, if you've stopped flirting with your husband, you are doing it wrong.

	Christy
	i can't write anything
	i think i am dead

	Daniel
	you can!
	Christy
	no i am a zombie
	Daniel
	Write about Frasier
	Christy
	and i want to eat your brains
	Daniel
	write about not being able to write
	write about zombies
	write from a new point of view
	Christy
	i don't think i have very strong feelings about zombies
	except that i don't want to be one
	Daniel
	haha, then write about that
	Christy
	i think i would be a really sad, hungry zombie
	i hope you know that at this point, this gchat is my blog post
	do you think zombies will ever happen?
	and if so, are we ready?
	Daniel
	We are not 100% ready
	we don't have a good way to get clean water
	Christy
	hmmm
	Daniel
	and we don't have enough non-perishable foods
	Christy
	i have heard that in dire situations, people drink their own urine
	thoughts?
	also, one time you bought us campbell's chicken and stars, and i am sure as hell not eating that until the zombie apocalypse, so i think we're good
	right?
	Daniel
	yeah, so what you have to picture is us hiking out of new york city on foot
	Christy
	on foot?
	we have a car!
	Daniel
	Sure because all the highways will be backed up and you don't want to be trapped in a car when the zombies come
	I mean we would drive as far as we could
	Christy
	how far?
	Daniel
	We would head down towards Staten Island and then over into New Jersey
	but I assume we wouldn't even make it into New Jersey before traffic stopped all the way
	Christy
	crap, i don't want to get stuck on a bridge though
	Daniel
	I mean, you can walk off a bridge
	Christy
	better than getting stuck in a tunnel, i guess
	yeah
	Daniel
	and we're safer on Staten Island than on Manhattan
	which is also an island but with millions more people
	Christy
	wait wait wait
	do zombies have the wherewithal to operate heavy machinery?
	because then my plan changes drastically
	Daniel
	Nope. All they can do it walk and bump into things
	Christy
	oh, well i think we'll be okay then
	wait
	but seriously
	if i got bitten....
	Daniel
	I would first try to amputate the limb that got bitten
	Christy
	it bit my stomach
	Daniel
	And then if that didn't work I wold wait until you became a zombie and then kill you
	Christy
	you wouldn't just keep me on a leash or something?
	Daniel
	I could...
	In the Walking Dead there's a lady who does that
	Christy
	aw, that's cute
	Daniel
	but she cut off the lower jaw of those two zombies, so they couldn't bite her
	Christy
	this is why i watch toddlers and tiaras
	just so you know, i'd keep you on a leash
	i think
	Daniel
	Yup. The zompocalypse is a little more gruesome than baby pageants.
	Christy
	slighlty
	zompacalypse?
	that word is ridiculous
	Daniel
	yeah, well you spelled it wrong
	Christy
	that is why it's so ridiculous
	not because you integrated two words into one nonsense word that no one is using right now
	but question
	let's say we go to a bodega
	and we get a diet dr. pepper and a coke
	as per usual
	and the clerk asks us for $2.75
	and we give it to him
	and then he snarls and tries to bite your face off
	he doesn't succeed though
	then do we leave new york?
	or do we wait for more people to become infected?
	Daniel
	Gosh
	I would say we head home and start packing and make some plans
	and do some reseasrch
	Christy
	what apps would we use?
	Daniel
	I would say yes to leaving though because it would be better to be safe than sorry
	I wouldn't want to get stuck in traffic
	I would download all the survival guide and navigational apps available
	Christy
	good call
	Daniel
	like what you can eat outside and stuff
	Christy
	huh?
	Danie
	Like I would get an app that could tell me that
	also download survival books on kindle
	Christy
	also the bible app
	don't forget that
	Daniel O'Shoney
	I already have that
	Christy
	i just looked up zombies on pinterest and i found this picture
	http://media-cache-ak2.pinimg.com/originals/af/b7/87/afb787e58985006aef04f02c9a75226f.jpg
	that's mean
	right?
	Danie
	yeah, for sure
	Christy
	i also found this absolutely awful zombie makeup
	http://media-cache-ec3.pinimg.com/originals/1b/4e/70/1b4e706d6e403d106c5261378ed9c9af.jpg
	Daniel
	I guess she didn't want makeup in her hair?
	Christy
	if she's a zombie, i'm beyonce
	hey, what movie is scarier in actuality-- world war z or space jam?
	like if you were brad pitt or michael jordan in either of those movies?
	but in real life?
	Daniel
	Yeah, I get what you're going for
	because I would be freaked out if I got pulled to a cartoon world in the center of the earth through a golf hole
	Christy
	right
	Daniel
	but I still think it would be scarier to get chased around by things that want to bite me and kill me and turn me into one of them.
	Christy
	yeah, but the looney tunes are the worst
	please tell me you never wore clothes with the looney tunes on them
	the only acceptable one is marvin the martian
	Daniel
	nope never
	Christy
	this, above all other things, is why i married you
	Danie
	I WOULD however wear this sweatshirt every day of my life
	http://www.etsy.com/listing/150504396/duncan-armored-knight-hoodie100-handmade?ref=shop_home_feat
	Christy Lammert
	....
	Daniel O'Shoney
	I am not kidding

The conversation sort of devolved after this point, but you get the picture -- we are just a couple of absolute weirdos.

Are you in a committed relationship? Are you guys still flirting? How's that going? Tell me all about it in the comments section! 



P.S. This post screwed up some formatting on my blog because I copied and pasted our gchat, but Blogger thinks it's actually a giant picture. That's why my homepage only has this one entry on it. Feel free to just click "older posts" to see pretty much everything else I've ever written because I don't super feel like figuring out how to fix this.