Tuesday, July 2, 2013

A Sweeping Declaration: More Blog Posts

One time I had a Christmas party in my apartment, and as wine flowed freely, I thrust an old acoustic guitar that I happen to own into the air and boldly proclaimed, "As GOD AS MY WITNESS, I WILL learn to play this guitaaaaaar!!"

Everyone erupted in applause. I stepped down from my coffee table. It was a wonderful moment.

Now that some time has passed, I feel bad about that night for a couple of reasons. 1) I lost this glittery snowflake earring that I have no hope of ever finding (I know it sounds kind of tacky, but it was actually super tacky and I loved it), and 2) I put God in this really awkward position of being a witness to something that I will almost definitely never do.

I have tried to learn to play the guitar, guys, and it hurts. It hurts like a mother, actually. I kind of have no idea how anyone does it, especially this guy:

To be fair, I would assume a wookie's fur aids in his ability to overcome the pain.

And you're reading this now, and you actually know how to play the guitar, and you're like...no way, girl. You coud so learn. You just need a patient teacher. False. I have had friends try to teach me to play the guitar. They will tell you I'm a hopeless case. It's largely because I have a pretty terrible attitude about the whole thing. The second it starts to get difficult, I'm like:

This whole guitar promise madness has reminded me that public, sweeping declarations are usually a terrible idea. They often leave you feeling like you let down everyone (or God) when they don't come to fruition. It's as though all of my friends from that Christmas party follow me around my apartment, patiently waiting for that moment when I get my life together, pick up that guitar, and play Smoke on the Water.

The reality is that no one probably remembers that I said that, and even if they do, they have a lot going on right now and probably could care less if I ever so much as look at a guitar.

But the thing about publicly announcing things is that, regardless of what pressure actually exists, I feel a greater sense of conviction than I would privately. I am far more likely to get something done if I tell someone about it than if I keep it to myself. By the way, that is probably the definition of extrinsic motivation, which is not necessarily something to which we should aspire.

But regardless...

I think it's time for a sweeping declaration that I can actually keep. I'm going to give God a break and choose a somewhat lesser witness, but do not assume I am any less serious about this.

As DAME JUDI DENCH AS MY WITNESS, I will BLOG every day this week! May Dame Judi Dench STRIKE ME DOWN if I do not keep my word.

You know she could make my life miserable if I screw this up.
I have no reason not to do this because it is actually something I love doing. The folks who have been reading Avoiding Atrophy have been some of the kindest on the internet, I'm sure of it. I so love reading your comments and engaging with you on topics that are meaningful to me.

So because I love YOU and I love posting pictures of Chewbacca playing the guitar, I want to make a commitment to posting to Avoiding Atrophy more often. This week I'll do it every day, and I hope that this practice helps make it a greater habit for me in all of the weeks that follow.

So get ready! This week you can look forward to another Do-Over post (wherein I'll detail something in my life that I'd like to do over) and probably a lot of pictures of my cat. Get excited!

And as always, keep the comments coming. Let me know all of the sweeping declarations you've made in life and have not kept. It might make me feel somewhat better about the girl band I will never be able to start.


  1. I hadn't seen a post by you in so long that I had to check to make sure your blog still existed! Good luck with the posting every day declaration. I don't think I would ever be able to keep that one. Looking forward to it!

    By the way, here is my blog if you want to take a look: akhayley.blogspot.com

    I feel like we could be friends in real life.

    1. Thanks for checking in, Ashley! This blog does indeed still exist, and I'm happy to know that it would be missed by someone if it didn't.

      I definitely will be checking in regularly with your blog! Thanks for posting.

  2. Totally awesome declaration! Can't wait to read what you have in that rad brain of yours..

    -- Al

  3. Sweeping declarations are OK as long as people don't have them in print.

    I, unfortunately, have made a few that live on in print on the internets.

    You've been warned!

    1. Wow, I will definitely remember that! On that note, please never google me. The weirdest things come up.

  4. Yes!! I love your blog so much I am obsessed!! :D


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