If I Had It To Do All Over - Wedding Planning PART TWO

In second grade, I got a pencil stuck in the palm of my hand for about an hour, and that is the last time I remember being as popular as I have been in the past month. Overnight, one of my blog posts started making the rounds on Pinterest, and BLAM-O, I had a bunch of new followers. Welcome, new friends! What are your names? Where are you from originally? Tell me two truths and a lie (or just a bunch of lies, if you want. I'm not going to fact-check.).

Anyway, this post is a continuation from the original, If I Had It To Do All Over: Wedding Planning. Now, I will give you the same warning I did in my first post. Don't mistake these wedding planning regrets as regrets over my marriage. That is not the case. My husband is kind of the grand prize of husbands. I mean, just look at this guy:

Nope. No regrets whatsoever.

But a few months after I got married, everyone started getting Pinterest accounts (this was around the same time that mason jars started being utilized for things other than pickling) and that's where most of my regrets stem from. None of these are things that keep me awake at night, but if I can help anyone feel more confident about their creative choices on their wedding day, that sounds pretty great to me.

Anyway, let's do this.

Do-over #8 (I left off at #7 on the first post): I would have shopped around for wedding dresses.

It is possible that I have seen every episode of Say Yes To The Dress. I don't really know why. I am mostly bored and horrified by some of the friends and mothers on that show...like this one: 

Is this not the exact reaction you hope to hear from your mother?

This exasperated mom is definitely not a fan of this perfectly lovely strapless dress worn by her disappointment of a daughter, Kelly. By the way, be sure to watch the above video roughly 145 times in a row, if possible. Each time you do, you will gain a new appreciation for the disdain with which the mom says KELLY. Also note Kelly's laugh as she puts her hands on her hips. She could not care less.

But anyway, for as much as Say Yes To The Dress should have prepared me for this sacred moment in a woman's life, I still don't think I did it right.

Here's how it went down:

I took two of my bridesmaids, my sister (also a bridesmaid), and my mom to a giant store in Austin. We waded through the sample dresses like we were walking through a magical forest and picked out the ones that we could discern as acceptable. In the midst of all of this, a sales associate selected a couple herself and then she ushered me to a dressing room. I wasn't wearing any of the right underthings, so she basically got an eye-full of all my best bits and pieces. I kept apologizing, and she kept saying wonderful cliches like, "You've got nothing I haven't seen before."

I tried on a few, and every time I tried on one of my friend's picks, they were like YES, YES THIS IS THE ONE. And I was like...meerrrr...maybeeeeee.

But then the sales associate brought in a new dress (which I suspect she had been keeping from me all along for dramatic effect). I tried it on, and I kind of had that moment of...Oh hey, that's my body in a wedding dress...and it looks really good...I could wear this on my wedding day...hey...I'm getting married...to a man...a man I love! Look at meeee!!

I walked it out to the rest of my group, and while no one began convulsing or anything, everyone was in agreement that I looked awesome. In total, I tried on maybe 5 dresses.

Now, this is totally a personal preference, but I really wish I hadn't made my decision that day. It was my first experience shopping, and I was so overwhelmed by it all. Not only do I wish that I had shopped somewhere else in addition to that place, but I also wish I had tried a different kind of store altogether -- a small boutique or some place more modern. I might have landed on the exact same dress, but I would have felt a peace-of-mind knowing that I couldn't get that dress out of my head.

And, by the way, I love the women I shopped with. They were perfect on this day. Not too pushy, very good listeners. But I wish I could have just gone with my mom. She's seen Say Yes To The Dress too, and that day, she was doing everything she could not to be an overly opinionated you-gotta-be-kidding-me-kelly kind of mom. She was basically an angel, but in that, I didn't get to have a quiet moment with her to really reflect on the tradition and meaning of the whole event.

I'm into that kind of thing though. If you're not, you do you.

Do-Over #9: I would ask my friends to be my bridesmaids in some deliberate way.

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I like a lot of what it is happening in the above picture save for the word "maid". To me, that word is synonymous with "housekeeper" which is a fine profession, but you don't really need to paint a box to ask someone to be your housekeeper. If you want to ask someone to be in your wedding, say "bridesmaid" so that it doesn't feel all Downton Abbey up in here.

But anyway, that's beside the point. Making a cute little box with little remembrances and letters to ask your friend to be a bridesmaid -- that is the way to go.

The way I did it is not necessarily wrong. Basically, I just straight up asked them. Some, I asked over coffee. Others, I conveniently asked in the midst of a great conversation wherein I was thinking about how much I loved them. This happened with my friend Kaley who I asked to be my maid of honor while standing in a bathroom. She mentioned this during her speech at my wedding, which probably should have made me slightly embarrassed, but I had lost all self-awareness at that point.

This is pretty much how I felt the entire time at my wedding: deliriously happy knowing that I looked good and everyone loved me. 

The women who you ask to be in your wedding party are unique creatures in your life. They have been in the trenches with you. They love and support your relationship with your husband. They know you. They have literally watched as boogers fall out of your nose and into your mouth as you are crying. These women deserve to be shown some serious love before and during your wedding.

Which reminds me...whichever bride first decided to write heartfelt letters on the bottoms of your bridesmaid's shoes...

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...I love you in that I think you are probably an incredibly thoughtful person who I would love to spend some quality time with. I am frustrated with you because almost nothing in this world has made me want a time machine more than the above picture. Why. Did. I. NOT. Do. This?!

Do-Over #10: I would wait a day to leave for my honeymoon.

We woke up at 5:30 AM the day after our wedding to catch a plane to Playa Mujeres, Mexico.

The view from our balcony at Excellence Playa Mujeres

You might not want to wait to get going on your trip either after seeing the above picture, but believe me, you should because the thing about having the best day of your life is that you are exhausted by the end of it. You have spent the entire day of your wedding getting ready, the entire evening partying with your favorite people in the world, and the entire night doing some very grown up things. By the time it's all over, you're like:

Waking up at 5:30 AM the day after your wedding feels like waking up in the midst of the zombie apocalypse. You will not be able to recognize any person around you, not even your new husband, as someone who loves you and does not want to eat your brains. Everyone is the enemy at 5:30 AM the day after your wedding. There is really no reason that you should know what the world looks like at that time ever, especially the day after your wedding.

Just sleep in, stay in bed all day, count each other's fingers and toes (or whatever it is you do alone as a married couple), and leave the next day at 10 AM.

Stay in Playa Mujeres for as long as you can, and while you are there, consider never leaving.

Do-Over #11: I would skip out on the unity candle.

If you get to a part of your wedding ceremony where you think to yourself why am even I doing this? chances are, you shouldn't be doing it (I am hoping that in your case you are not asking this question about getting married in general).

We had that moment when lighting our unity candle. Everything up until that point had been all about gracefully holding hands, looking longingly into each other's eyes, and feeling like every moment had incredible meaning.

I could have done this all day.

When it came time to light the unity candle, we were kind of like, oh wait, we have to do something now? Our flow was just totally interrupted. We waddled over to the little table, fumbled with the candle sticks, said aloud, "Are we doing this right?", lit the big candle, narrowly missed setting my dress on fire, sweated a little bit, and then waddled on back to our spot in front of our pastor. It felt absolutely pointless.

My point is this: Wedding traditions are great, but feel free to skip out on the ones that are just not right for you. Even when we were planning our ceremony, I was not on Team Unity Candle. Nothing against anyone who has done it for their wedding. Several of my friends went the unity candle route, and they loved the symbolism. But it just wasn't for us.

If it's not for you either, try planting a tree, painting a picture, or if you're really awesome...

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...do what this couple did and have a Unity VOLCANO!

Or just don't do anything at all. Cross my heart, no one will notice and if someone does say something to you about it, feel free to have some body-builder cousin remove them from the wedding.

Do-Over #12: I would hug my mom and dad before getting in the getaway car.

This is probably a no-brainer to you because you are not a heartless monster like me, but y'all, hug your parents before you leave your wedding. As soon as we drove off, I realized immediately that I had not done so and I almost made Daniel drive back. 

It's an easy thing to forget because, if you're lucky, this is what your exit will look like:

Sweaty bubble MADNESS! 

How can you remember your own name in this mass of insanity, let alone, remember the fact that you have parents who changed your diapers and sent you to college? 

Regardless, find them and hug them. Assuming you have good parents, they are worth honoring in this way. Also, parents, make yourselves findable and huggable! I'm not sure my mom and dad were even around in this mess of people, so had I remembered, I would have had to wait for them to push through the mob scene. 

P.S. While we are on the subject of getaways, I would also change into a comfortable exit dress. Before my wedding, the thought didn't even cross my mind. This is the most expensive thing I've ever worn! I am keeping it on until it disintegrates. But by the end of the night, that dress was basically just a huge sweaty curtain clinging to my body. To me, there are only two options: change your dress or be less of a sweaty person.

Do-Over #13: I would have remembered certain details.*

I had a fiesta-themed wedding and no piñata! Again, this will not be the death of me, but how cool would it have been to smash a piñata while wearing a wedding dress?!

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Answer: So damn cool. Man, this bride just gets it. You can also use the piñata as a substitute for cutting the cake together, which as I'm sure you can imagine, feels plain weird. Why is it that I have been cutting cakes just fine on my own my entire life, and now that I'm married, suddenly I'm too weak to do it by myself? It just doesn't seem right. 

Anyway, the silver lining is that we had little piñatitas on the tables. They were kind of the cutest thing I've ever seen. 

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Another fiesta-related detail we missed...we didn't have a mariachi band!

Okay, cool it, Julia Roberts. A mariachi band would have been great, but again, it's not the worst thing in the world. 

There were also some details that we did plan for and then just totally forgot about the day of. For instance, we had this strange obsession with getting the groomsmen to wear matching socks so that they could take a picture like this:

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We bought the socks, handed them out to the groomsmen to their giddy surprise. We also bought a fancy sombrero with which to take quirky fiesta pictures with. Then, the day of, no one told the photographer about any of this stuff.

And by the way, we had the best photographer, I think, ever (Lauren Guy Photography...Texas wedding or event? Check her out). But even the best photographers in the world aren't mind-readers. How was she supposed to know these guys were wearing matching socks or that I had secret dreams of wearing a sombrero with a wedding dress? If you have specific requests like this, tell your photographer. They would be happy to hear it. 

Again, silver lining, all of my pictures were better than I could have ever planned for them to be. Your photographer always knows better. 

*Here's the thing about this do-over that made me hesitate to even write it -- Try as you might, you are going to miss some details. Two weeks from your wedding, you are going to realize that one thing that was so blatantly obvious that you can't believe you missed it. 

But who cares? You're married. 

My heart breaks for the woman who plans so feverishly for this one amazing day that she hardly has a moment to contemplate how different everything is going to be for the days that follow. Marriage is this beautiful, powerfully confusing, sometimes nauseating, complex covenant that has an effect on us in profound ways that we are all woefully unprepared for. It is something with gravity. It is something worth your meditation. It is something precious, but it is also something hard. 

If you miss every single detail of your wedding, but you honor your marriage for the rest of your life, I say, best wedding ever. 

If I think of anymore Do-Overs, you'll be the first to know. I hope that in some way my experiences have been able to help give you a peace of mind for your special day. Trust me. You're going to be fine. Just don't trip, and if you do trip, turn it into some kind of artful tumble, if you can. 

And by the way, to be sure, I also did a lot of things totally right at my wedding. To bring this mother of a blog post on home, here are my....

Wedding Do-All-Over-Agains:

1. I would skip the receiving line and just dance with everyone instead.

And I would be sure to make this fabulous face as often as possible.

2. I would serve alcohol...because dancing.

3. I would use cornhusk flowers for my bridesmaids bouquets because they are on-theme and super cost-effective.

4. I would relish in public displays of affection.

5. I would request that my maid of honor wear the following hat while we get ready.

6. I would blow this fan up my dress because Texas is hot, y'all.

7. I would write my husband a letter for him to read while he's getting ready.

8. And speaking of my husband, my Lord, I would marry that guy all over again and again and again.

Please be sure to pin this on Pinterest so that other brides can learn from my mishaps! 

Also, if you're liking this advice and the baby GIFs, feel free to follow Avoiding Atrophy (you can do so on the right-hand side of this page). 

Thanks for being here today, and special points to anyone who actually made it through every word of this thing. 

Looking for more of my wedding wisdom and tips? Check out Avoiding Atrophy's wedding section!