Friends, I'm psyched to introduce you to Ashley from Under the Ash Tree! She and I met up recently for a blog consultation at a coffee shop right here in Brooklyn, and let me tell you, we had a blast and a half. Actually, more like a blast and a whole. It was pretty much a mega blast.
Not only are Ashley and I neighbors, but we also have quite a few things in common. For instance, she works as a production assistant (or a PA, if you're into acronyms), which is the very same job title I held a while back. I asked her today to come on this here blog and divulge what it's like to work as a PA here in NYC. Check her out. She's boss.
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Hey Avoiding Atrophy readers! I’m Ashley and I write over at Under The Ash Tree. I'm so excited today to tell you a little bit about my life. I'm a Brooklyn resident, I've lived here for six years, and I am a production assistant.
For those who don’t know, a production assistant, or “PA,” is essentially the backbone to any major television or movie production. PAs are hired to do everything and anything, from running to get coffee, to setting up lights, to managing extras or mic’ing up talent. Some of my friends who also work in the industry have done things like walking an “A-list” celebrity’s dog or working on the field at the Superbowl. I’ve worked at places like Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, where I had to pick out a tie for Steve Martin, and the Colbert Report, where I had to find a pirate costume for a taxidermic squirrel and go to Washington DC to work The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.
It’s a challenging job with long hours, but in New York where there is so much production work going on, you can constantly find jobs on a variety of projects, so it can be very exciting!
My situation is a little different than a traditional PA as I have a full-time job with benefits, paid vacation and personal days. Full-time PA jobs are fairly uncommon, as most productions are freelance, but I work on a television show called NHL Live, a two-hour daily pre-game show on NHL Network, the National Hockey League’s TV Channel.
I’ve worked here since after the NHL lockout in February 2011 and it’s been a busy and interesting ride.
Hockey is a seasonal sport, but our “production season” runs from September, the start of the teams' training camps, all the way through “Free Agency Day” on July 1st. During the season, I work 50 to 70 hours per week and 5 to 7 days a week which is exhausting, but also a lot of fun. I get to go cover all the major hockey events with the show, like the Winter Classic, the All-Star Game and the Stanley Cup Finals, which is overwhelming yet wonderful to say the least.
My days vary depending on the time of year and whether or not I am on the road for work. But on a normal weekday during the season, my day is fairly straight forward. I arrive at 9am, check my email and will usually have a list of things I can start working on given to me by the producers. I went to New York University for Video Editing so I am often asked to use that skill by preparing B-rolls, which are essentially highlights from the previous night’s games.
Everyday at 10:30 we have a morning meeting, where the crew, five PA’s, a producer, a director and a graphics coordinator discuss the rundown of what is going to happen that day. We find out what guests we'll have on the show, what team reports there are, or which NHL players had a good night the previous evening. We get to present ideas for segments, and go over important events happening in the next few weeks. After the meeting, I have a list of what to work on and then I get going on those items until 2pm, when I head into the control room.
In the Control Room, I run a machine called the “GrassValley Stratus,” where I am in charge of making sure all the footage the producers want for the show has been edited by the editors. It’s kind of complicated, but the way I can explain it is this: let’s say our talent–the hosts of the show–are talking about Sidney Crosby, arguably the best player in the NHL. I would cue up video of Crosby scoring goals, and then would play that on TV while the hosts talk about so the viewers can see examples of how good of a player he is. Here is an example of an NHL Live montage I edited that opened the block on former player Mark Messier :
Most people who are production assistants use the skills they learn to move up in the production world. One day, I would love to be a producer on a live television show, but I am still a few years and few levels away from that right now. However I'm still pretty happy with my job and where I am at. Yes, I wish I had more free time, but the benefits far outweigh the exhaustion!
Thanks Christy for letting me take over your blog today!
If you want to connect with me or ask me any more questions, check out my "professional website" or my twitter page!
“If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange these apples, then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea, and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.”
These wonderful words, first spoken by playwright George Bernard Shaw, perfectly encapsulate the spirit of Alt Summit. Alt is a place to spark conversation, share ideas, and feel generally understood. I loved my time there -- the people, the insights, the glorious decor. Here were some of my favorite bits:
The Grand America Hotel
The conference took place at The Grand America Hotel in Salt Lake City, and let me tell you...it was grand. Like, guys, I did not belong anywhere near a hotel that nice. Chandeliers everywhere, victorian wallpaper for days, chairs that were so fancy I was afraid to sit in them -- it was a wonderland packed with amenities and I was not worthy of any of it. I actually didn't sleep at the Grand America, but I basked in the glory of it any time I was there.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I may have spent like 30% of my time at Alt in the bathroom. For one, it was a great place to run into people (Oh hey, girl! I'm loving that lip stain you're applying. Also, can we be friends forever?!). But the biggest reason I kept finding myself attracted to the bathroom was the SICK swag spread laid out by The Honest Company. It was basically what I expect the bathroom in heaven will be like. All of The Honest Co.'s products are eco-friendly & non-toxic, so I felt guilt-free snatching pretty much all of them.
The first night I arrived in SLC, I went to a dinner sponsored by the beautiful people at Silhouette. It took place at The Melting Pot, you know, the place where you DIP THINGS INTO CHEESE AND CHOCOLATE. So yeah, obviously, it was delicious. But even better, the company was absolutely top notch. There was one long table where most of the attendees sat, but I ended up at a small booth with four other phenomenal women. It was such a joy to laugh and swap stories with these genuine, hilarious girls. Big shout out to Carly, Brooke, Emily, and Camille and a big, huge thank-you to Silhouette for creating such an amazing evening.
I actually stole the George Bernard Shaw quote I used earlier from Rachel Faucett of Handmade Charlotte. She and Alex Evjen of Ave Styles had me and a room full of others positively mesmerized during their presentation on the ins-and-outs of Pinterest. You might not expect a session about Pinterest to be deeply inspirational, but I found myself so riveted by the way they framed the conversation. One of my greatest takeaways from this discussion was the idea of being an "influencer." I tend to reserve that word for people with thousands of Twitter followers and signature fragrances, but it turns out if you know any humans who like you even a little bit, you get to call yourself an influencer. Your mom, your sister, your college roommate -- all of these folks are people whose lives you influence, and it's totally okay to call on them to help share your content because, hey, they're your biggest fans. That's how you grow your influence: work with the people you've already got.
Hosting a roundtable discussion
I hosted a roundtable on Blogging with Comedic Voice, and I loved absolutely every minute of it. Since this was my first time at Alt, I really didn't know what to expect from the roundtable format, and I was particularly nervous that my topic wouldn't really work with it. As it turns out, it went swimmingly, and it was all thanks to the lovely gals who showed up. They just made it such a profoundly fun, easy experience. Before long, the table was full of women from all parts of the blogging world discussing what it means to utilize humor in our various contexts. I learned so much just by listening to their experiences, and I honestly could have stayed in that little comedy huddle for days.
Oh, and for anyone who wasn't able to make it to my roundtable (or those of you who weren't even at Alt), I posted some of my notes for you on the blog.
The beautiful people
Blogging can be a really isolating experience at times. It's usually just you, your computer, and thazzit. Alt created a place (a real place, not an online one) for all of us isolated blogger weirdos to be together and just marvel at each other. There were times where I would see people whose blogs I read, and I would think, my god...they're moving. Breathing, eating, occupying physical space. That blogger is more than just her profile picture or her DIY tote bags -- she's a human being.
And I met so many beautiful human beings at Alt. Everyone was truly kind, ready to embrace you and talk about any and everything (not just blogging). I engaged in conversations about marriage, womanhood, cocktails, Tina Fey -- you name it. It was so uplifting to be around such talented, authentic people.
The business cards
Remember all of those beautiful human beings I was talking about? Well, those guys made some seriously creative business cards. While business cards are usually a staple at most conferences, they have become somewhat of a magical tradition at Alt Summit. People deck their cards out with trinkets, toys, gorgeous designs. It's amazing, and every time you get a new one, you feel like a million bucks. It felt like I was a nine-year-old in the 90s trading Pokemon cards -- gotta catch em all.
There was so much I loved about Alt, and I actually don't even think I began to scratch the surface here. Oh, like I forgot to mention this insanely pretty garden party that took place on the final evening:
So in summation, Alt was excellent. I am so fortunate to have had the opportunity to go, and I would love to go again. Going into this experience, I was nervous about awkwardly inserting myself into conversations or being the comedy gal in a sea of designers, but I decided to just go with it. I sat down with strangers, I mixed, I mingled, and it was great. There is a lesson to be learned here, probably something about putting myself out there or making the best of every situation, but meh, I won't overthink it.
Thanks to all who made Alt the joyful thrill ride that it was!
All photos (except for that one Instagram of me awkwardly standing by my roundtable) courtesy of Justin Hackworth and Brooke Dennis.
I've been a little off-the-grid over the past couple of weeks, blog-wise. Usually when that happens, I return with an apology of some sort. I'll start out with a little joke ("Is this thing on?"), proceed to acknowledge the situation ("It's been positively forever since my last post!"), and I will spend the rest of the first paragraph making some lofty promises ("I assure you, friends, I will never leave you in the lurch again!").
But the problem with that whole song-and-dance is that it seems to imply that you even noticed I was gone in the first place. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I think Avoiding Atrophy is a great website, one that you should definitely subscribe to and follow on social media. But honestly, it probably ranks fairly low on the list of your life's priorities, and I get that. In my absence, you've probably been doing just fine, going to work, meeting friends for happy hour, rushing to doctor's appointments, watching the news, etc. You haven't spent the entirety of my time away refreshing avoidingatrophy.com over and over, feeling increasingly alarmed with each passing day.
But in case you happened to be severely affected, for whatever reason, by my blogging hiatus, to you I say sorry. If you haven't been able to sleep or maintain baseline hygiene because you were worried sick about me and the fate of this blog, let me be the first to say oopsies...that one's on me.
My hope today is to return to this art of blogging with vigor, but I kind of want to explain some things I've been up to so that in the event that an unexplained absence occurs again, you'll be prepared. Here's what I've been doing for the past couple of weeks instead of blogging:
--Writing articles for Salon.com (such as this one and this other one) --Just being generally bizzay --Sitting in this hammock on Governor's Island:
--Running NINE MILES, the furthest I've ever run in my entire life, while training for my upcoming half marathon
--Dreaming of throwing a caftan party (read this piece from nymag.com, and holla if you're interested)
--Creating a vivid fantasy life on my Pinterest boards --Doing cartwheels in the park because I am finally convinced that winter is actually over
--Eating just so much shrimp
And, guys, those are just the things I was awake for. Dream Christy did a whole host of other things like run for President and lose all of her teeth.
But seriously, whether they are legitimate excuses, those are the things I've been doing instead of blogging lately. In the future, if I ever disappear from the blogging world unexpectedly, you can rest assured that I'm just eating a bunch of shrimp.
But no, I've been hustling quite a bit lately, and really, I'm sorry I was gone. I look forward to shoving all kinds of new material in your face in the weeks to come! What have YOU been up to lately?
Let's just get this truth out in the open: the idea of making money with a blog is very cool. I believe that every blogger is somewhere on a spectrum between "eh, I guess making money with my blog would be nice, but I'm good either way" and "my blog is my business/life/everything". I sit somewhere in the middle, but even from that vantage point, I sometimes have mini-meltdowns about just how much information exists out there on how to be a successful blogger.
I recently listened to this podcast episode from Joy the Baker which really digs into how the blogging industry (if we can even call it an industry) has changed over the last few years. I highly recommend giving it a listen. Apparently in the golden days of blogging, long before my time, bloggers were compensated in accordance with their Clicks Per Minute, or CPM. That means if you had a really viral post that catapulted you into success, or if you developed a devoted following over time, there was a chance that you could be making BANK (or at least some pretty decent money). In today's blogging universe, that is just not the case. CPM is still monitored, but it hardly accounts for anything, and the same is true for most click-based stats. If you have Google AdSense on your website, you know this to be largely the case.
True story on this: My blog first came to be known (by people other than my mom) because of this post I wrote about wedding do-overs. It was shared a lot on Pinterest because I guess people don't want to make mistakes at their weddings, who knows. Anyway, there was one day where my page views just SKYROCKETED. 17,000+ hits in a single day (what the helllll?!). I went to click the "Earnings" tab on my Blogger account, my hands rubbing together like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, and do you know how much I made from Google that day?
$8.01
That's roughly $0.00047 per click. Definitely not mogul money, but make no mistake, I did buy myself a Big Gulp that evening.
I earned it.
The point is you can get thousands of views in a day, but if you're not leveraging some other side of your business (ad spots, sponsors, affiliate links, product reviews, merchandise), you're not going to make a lot of money. The good news is that there are people out there who are able to make an excellent living off of their blogging earnings. The bad news is that getting to that point can be a colossal pain in the ass.
As someone who has been taking this blogging game pretty seriously over the last year, I've developed a bit of insight (mostly by making mistakes) into what it takes to get readers, keep readers, and yeah, make a little money. No matter where you are in your blogging journey, whether you are Joanna Goddard-level famous or your only follower is your mom (hey, go say thanks to your mom), I believe there are a few key areas we should always be focusing on as people who make stuff for the internet. Some of these pieces of advice may help you grow your readership and some may just help you to see yourself as an artist. Take from it what you will.
Oh, and keep in mind that these are all things at which I've failed, and I probably will again.
#1. Just, like, stop trying so hard.
You know how they say a watched pot never boils? Well, we all know that is garbage. I watched a pot the other day while I was making ramen, and you know what? It boiled. But you know what else? I wasn't any better for having watched it.
That's kind of how blogging works, and probably life, I don't know. Much like the inevitability of water boiling when heated, your blog will grow if you keep at it. It simply will. Unless you don't touch it for months on end, it's likely going to get some traction at some point.
But it takes time, probably more time than you'd like
In the waiting stage, it's so tempting to make desperate moves to get more followers, more likes, more retweets. This is the time where you are most likely to look over into the yards of other, more successful bloggers to try to see what they are doing that you are not. You start making lists, adding more pictures, talking about coffee.
But here's the truth -- readers can smell desperation, and it makes them uneasy. I mean, you know this from personal experience. You've been to that blog before where every post is riddled with cliches and the "About Me" seems like it was written by an alien studying human expression. You didn't stick around long, did you?
Look, I agonized over who was following my blog and how to make it more shareable until one day, I wrote a post that I assumed only my friends would enjoy, and it took off. Things really do happen when you stop trying so hard. Stop obsessively checking your stats, stop using vocabulary you don't really understand, and start writing about the things that matter to you.
#2. Love on other bloggers.
Okay, you're seeing your page views go up, so obviously someone is reading your posts, but no one is leaving any comments. This can be super discouraging. I used to get frustrated when I would post my blog on Facebook, get tons of comments there but no comments on my actual blog. This taught me something, though: social media sites like Facebook and Twitter have an ingrained interactive (social) component. That's not necessarily the case for blogs. If you want people to interact with your content, you have to create a commenting culture.
Here was my problem: I was sharing posts on Facebook with people who were, for the most part, non-bloggers. Non-bloggers usually won't want to leave comments on your blog because it's not a platform with which they are particularly comfortable. They'll read, and then they'll bounce off to something else.
You know who will want to leave comments on your blog? BLOGGERS!
But how do you get them to visit your blog? Easy. Leave comments on their blog! The very thing you want, do it for someone else. And do it genuinely. Find some blogs you're really into and leave relevant comments. I say relevant because "Hey cool post follow pls" probably won't cut it. It doesn't for me anyway.
Oh, also, link to these other blogs that you like. Tweet at them. Make them feel like a million bucks, and I promise you, at least a few of them will return the favor.
#3. Express yourself with your design.
A beautiful layout...ah, a blogger's white whale. Like the clothes we wear or the apartment we decorate with throw pillows from IKEA, a blog layout is the world's first impression of what you are all about. I feel like this is an area with which we can get a little too obsessed, but then again, I'm not a design-centric blogger. There are always things that can be improved upon, but as far as I'm concerned, here are the only criteria with which you should judge your blog layout:
Is it eye-catching? Is it acceptably clean? Can I find all the things? Does it reflect me?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then you are golden! Once again, it's about putting your stamp on things. I am positive that there are some people who come to my brightly-colored blog, thinking to themselves that it looks like a muppet just barfed all over their computer screen. But you know what? These clashing colors and giant glasses do a good job of expressing all of the whimsical nonsense I want to share with the world.
#4. Make it sharable.
This is a rule you can feel free to break if it doesn’t work with your style, but I believe that graphics are the single most important aspect to any blogging success I’ve had thus far. Back to my wedding do-overs post -- this was the first of my blog posts that I ever pinned. I took a picture from my wedding, slapped a title on it, shared it on Pinterest, and to this day, that post is still spreading like crazy
If I had not created a graphic, maybe someone would have pinned one of my pictures instead, but I genuinely believe that taking 5 minutes to make a title image in Pic Monkey made all of the difference for me. And when I say 5 minutes, it really is that easy, easier even. I just made this picture in exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds.
Now, not every image you pin is going to go viral, but the point is that images are effective. Don’t assume, however, that graphics are a substitute for quality writing. They are not.
#5. Write what you want and wait for someone to like it.
I may have already said something similar to this (or exactly like this) before, but that’s because it really bears repeating. Writing is a practice that has the power to shape lives, most notably your own. If you are blogging what you love – at best, you will make a career out of it. At worst, you will have a collection of writing that you can be proud of. When you write what you love, you simply cannot lose.
Anyway, for preaching sharable content and graphics, this sure has been a wordy post with very few images. Still, I hope it's at least brought some clarity and hopefully some comfort as well. The main point of all of this, as cliche as it might sound, is to be yourself and allow wonderful things to happen naturally. There really is no good in waiting for that pot to boil.
Bloggers, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. What are some of your tips?
Today, I dedicate to you, my readers, the following song:
But seriously, have I told you lately that I love you? Well, darling, I'm telling you now.
We are nearing the end of the year, and when I look back on my slew of joys from the past twelve months, you guys are damn near the top of it. That might seem a strange thing actually. I mean, several of you I have not even met, but believe it or not, you have played a pivotal role in the direction of my life this year. Seriously. Is that weird?
It started in February when I wrote a post about things I wish I had done differently at my wedding. Suddenly, overnight, my blog went from being a place for my family and friends to check in on my life to a place where thousands of people were reading my writing on a daily basis. To this day, that post still gets a ridiculous number of hits, and I'll be honest, I think a lot of people probably just read it, chuckle a little to themselves, and move on to niche wedding blogs. A totally respectable choice in my mind.
But what I have been so humbled by this year is that a miraculous handful of you have stuck around. You have interacted in the comments section, provided advice for me and my husband, sponsored my endeavors, and shared your stories. Your interaction in this place called Avoiding Atrophy has given me confidence to call myself a writer and to make big decisions for my future that I never thought I would make.
But it's not just about the things you have done for me. I love you for other reasons, don't you worry. Recently, my friend Lauren asked me what is one of my favorite compliments that I've ever received. The honest truth is that I love receiving comments where readers say things along the lines of, "I think we would be great friends!" because A) that means that hopefully I've communicated my thoughts in a fun and interesting way, and B) I TOTALLY think we would be great friends too!
Each time I read your hilarious observations on life, I am positively tickled. TICKLED, y'all. So not only do I have readers who interact with my writing and make me feel like my dreams can come true, but also, I actually like you guys. I mean, that's rare, right?
A page from Sandol Stoddard Warburg's adorable book, "I Like You"
Anyway, the New Year is coming up, and I'm one of those old softies that makes resolutions. Given the fact that you all have been such a strong presence in my life in 2013, I have resolved to give back to you guys much more in 2014. Last week, I did my first giveaway, and I'll definitely continue doing more of those while also finding other ways to make Avoiding Atrophy a place that serves its readership.
Again, I really like you guys, and I want you to really know that. In the meantime, while I'm shy of ideas, I made you this card:
Get it?! Because he's sitting in front of LOADS of laundry!
.......
...don't worry...I'll think of something better next time.
Many years ago, a boy in my PE class named Cory asked me why I liked the Spice Girls. He wasn't asking out of real curiosity. It was out of a bitter desire to test me, and it's the first existential crisis I really remember having. In that moment, I suddenly realized that this was never a question I had actually asked myself. I struggled to respond. Why did I like the Spice Girls? Was it their platform shoes? Was it the way they refused lovers on the basis of protecting their friendships? Was it the invaluable life lessons I seemed to always learn from them?
I do now, Geri. Thank you.
Did I even really like them at all?
I remember becoming flustered at the question which quickly made me belligerent, and I said something like, "Just...shut up, okay?"
Many years later, a friend asked me why I enjoyed blogging. She was asking from a place of genuine curiosity, but my mind went into immediate defensive action as though it were Cory and his smug face interrogating me. Why did I blog? Was it for my love of writing? Was it for the attention? Was it in the hopes of having Meryl Streep and Amy Adams star in a movie about me?
For those of you who don't get that reference, it's from the movie Julie & Julia, a film about a woman who dedicates a year of her life to blogging her way through Julia Child's first cookbook. It came out in 2009, which, coincidentally, is actually the very same year that I began my blog. I referenced it in my very first post, titled "Humble Beginnings". Here's a taste:
When a film based on this blog is inevitably produced, I do not want Meryl Streep or Amy Adams to come anywhere near it. Instead, the actress starring as myself would definitely be Cher in full on Half-Breed garb (not because she bares any resemblance to me whatsoever. If that were the case, I would have to go with Josh Groban...in full on Half-Breed garb).
In that first post, I also addressed the purpose of my blog experiment.
The purpose of this blog is to accelerate my stardom so that I can afford a house with a closet big enough to fit all of my Snuggies as well as those belonging to my future husband, the cloned version of Orson Welles (from his "War of the Worlds" days...NOT his Paul Masson declination).
Man, that sentence is so 2009. Back then, my blog was called "An Authority On Being" and it was a bit more sardonic than what I've got going on now. I was definitely playing a character, one who always had all of the answers and wisecracks. I started a new blog because I got tired of writing in that voice. I'm still proud of it though.
Anyway, the reason I offered in that first post is just me using that sarcastic voice. I obviously did not get into blogging for fame or riches. This is largely because, at the time, I couldn't think of a single famous blogger.
So again, why? Why do I do it? Why do I blog?
The reason that I enjoy blogging is the same reason that I like the Spice Girls: I just do, so just shut up, okay?
I don't remember mapping out a grand plan when I started my blog. It just felt absolutely like what I should be doing. On some level, it just made sense for me. I mean, before there was Blogger, there was Livejournal, and I was ALL over that thing. I love to write. I love to engage with people. I think I'm good at both of those things. It's just a good fit.
And by the way, it's alright to like something just because you like it. Spice Girls rule. Viva Forever.
Bloggers, why do you blog? Non-bloggers, why do you do the thing you do?
Well, guys, I made it. On Monday night, I made a sweeping declaration to blog every single day this week. It was met with such enthusiasm from you guys, and I've loved reading your comments over the last few days. I may never make good on my promise to learn to play the guitar, but I blogged the crap out of this week.
As a reward, I'm giving myself the gift of this GIF of Kevin Arnold giving me a thumbs up. Thanks, me. You're welcome, me.
But I will be honest, it was hard sometimes. There are bloggers who churn out posts every day like it's no big deal, and I tip my writer's hat to all of those guys. For me, though, I need ideas to marinate a little bit before getting them out to the world. The same is true of how I express myself verbally. Seriously. Ask me anything. I'll get back to you in two years.
Even though I wasn't always bursting at the seams with creative energy, I really did love this last week of blogging. I feel like writing so consistently really helped me reconnect with my original intentions for Avoiding Atrophy. The more I exposed myself to daily writing, the more I became comfortable with it, and the more I truly loved it (that's called Mere Exposure Effect - look it up). I found myself itching to get cracking on my newest post. I would read and reread all of your awesome comments (shout-out to Claire for making Daniel and I laugh out loud with your comments on zombie technicalities).
What I really gained from this week is an appreciation for the people who read and follow Avoiding Atrophy. You seriously don't have to do this, guys. You could spend your time in all kinds of great ways. You could make a sandwich. You could watch a hair tutorial. You could do work at your job, I guess. But instead you choose to spend it here listening to me talk about BB Cream, marriage, and my love for Red Lobster's cheese biscuits. I am so humbled by that.
For you guys, I got this GIF of the incomparable Adele saying "Fanks." Fanks, y'all.
I was thinking about the joy I have for my readers and for writing in general while reading a couple of books given to me by my friend, Matt -- a man so full of wit and wisdom that his words might literally melt your face off (if you don't believe me, go read his blog, and see if you still have a face when you're done). The first is a book titled You Are a Writer (So Start Acting Like One) by Jeff Goins. This is the book that inspired me to start considering my gift of writing as a vocation rather than a hobby. I even changed my job status on Facebook to "Writer" (but it actually says "works at writer", which is weird). The second book is titled Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World by Michael Hyatt. This one is a more practical guide to promoting your message or product to an audience. Here's an excerpt I've found particularly helpful in a section titled "Connect with the original vision" where he establishes this idea of "wow" as an intangible quality of a great product:
King Solomon once said, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." This is also true for "wow." Before it exists, it is only an idea. The only place it exists is inside your head. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and once again become present to what it is you are trying to create.
When I read that at the top of this week, I was really inspired to reconnect with that original vision. I sat down with a sketchpad (lined paper is too constricting for me), and just started thinking of all of the reasons why I blog -- reasons that live outside of my own validation.
I ended up writing out something that seemed a lot like a statement of purpose. Maybe one day when I'm feeling brave, I'll post all of it, but here's a small, small snippet for now.
"She's a mess. What is her hope?"
This is the question I want begged of me when people read Avoiding Atrophy. I'm not someone who will ever claim to have it altogether. Ever. I cut my hair once a year, I eat things that I know are terrible for me, and I'm not sure I'll ever know what I want to be when I grow up.
But I am someone with a whole lot of hope, and with very good reason for said hope. Again, feel free to ask me about it.
When I started this blog, even though I knew I would be writing about my own experiences, my vision was to connect with people who, for whatever reason, sometimes feel like giving up. I wanted to make these people all laugh really hard and commiserate with them on how gross life can be sometimes. And then I wanted to remind them of how very valuable they are and encourage them to dream the dreams that they've stopped dreaming.
Dreaming is a hard battle, one with a lot at stake. It's the same battle I fight, and I'd love to not have to fight it alone.
Writing every day this week has inspired me to make Avoiding Atrophy a community experience. I promise to always start the conversation, and I hope you will join me in continuing it.
You'll be hearing more on what this all means for this blog in the next couple of weeks, but stay posted. I will continue to post cat GIFs because that is just how I roll, but every now and then, you might get a nugget of wisdom.
One time I had a Christmas party in my apartment, and as wine flowed freely, I thrust an old acoustic guitar that I happen to own into the air and boldly proclaimed, "As GOD AS MY WITNESS, I WILL learn to play this guitaaaaaar!!"
Everyone erupted in applause. I stepped down from my coffee table. It was a wonderful moment.
Now that some time has passed, I feel bad about that night for a couple of reasons. 1) I lost this glittery snowflake earring that I have no hope of ever finding (I know it sounds kind of tacky, but it was actually super tacky and I loved it), and 2) I put God in this really awkward position of being a witness to something that I will almost definitely never do.
I have tried to learn to play the guitar, guys, and it hurts. It hurts like a mother, actually. I kind of have no idea how anyone does it, especially this guy:
To be fair, I would assume a wookie's fur aids in his ability to overcome the pain.
And you're reading this now, and you actually know how to play the guitar, and you're like...no way, girl. You coud so learn. You just need a patient teacher. False. I have had friends try to teach me to play the guitar. They will tell you I'm a hopeless case. It's largely because I have a pretty terrible attitude about the whole thing. The second it starts to get difficult, I'm like:
This whole guitar promise madness has reminded me that public, sweeping declarations are usually a terrible idea. They often leave you feeling like you let down everyone (or God) when they don't come to fruition. It's as though all of my friends from that Christmas party follow me around my apartment, patiently waiting for that moment when I get my life together, pick up that guitar, and play Smoke on the Water.
The reality is that no one probably remembers that I said that, and even if they do, they have a lot going on right now and probably could care less if I ever so much as look at a guitar.
But the thing about publicly announcing things is that, regardless of what pressure actually exists, I feel a greater sense of conviction than I would privately. I am far more likely to get something done if I tell someone about it than if I keep it to myself. By the way, that is probably the definition of extrinsic motivation, which is not necessarily something to which we should aspire.
But regardless...
I think it's time for a sweeping declaration that I can actually keep. I'm going to give God a break and choose a somewhat lesser witness, but do not assume I am any less serious about this.
As DAME JUDI DENCH AS MY WITNESS, I will BLOG every day this week! May Dame Judi Dench STRIKE ME DOWN if I do not keep my word.
You know she could make my life miserable if I screw this up.
I have no reason not to do this because it is actually something I love doing. The folks who have been reading Avoiding Atrophy have been some of the kindest on the internet, I'm sure of it. I so love reading your comments and engaging with you on topics that are meaningful to me.
So because I love YOU and I love posting pictures of Chewbacca playing the guitar, I want to make a commitment to posting to Avoiding Atrophy more often. This week I'll do it every day, and I hope that this practice helps make it a greater habit for me in all of the weeks that follow.
So get ready! This week you can look forward to another Do-Over post (wherein I'll detail something in my life that I'd like to do over) and probably a lot of pictures of my cat. Get excited!
And as always, keep the comments coming. Let me know all of the sweeping declarations you've made in life and have not kept. It might make me feel somewhat better about the girl band I will never be able to start.
In second grade, I got a pencil stuck in the palm of my hand for about an hour, and that is the last time I remember being as popular as I have been in the past month. Overnight, one of my blog posts started making the rounds on Pinterest, and BLAM-O, I had a bunch of new followers. Welcome, new friends! What are your names? Where are you from originally? Tell me two truths and a lie (or just a bunch of lies, if you want. I'm not going to fact-check.).
Anyway, this post is a continuation from the original, If I Had It To Do All Over: Wedding Planning. Now, I will give you the same warning I did in my first post. Don't mistake these wedding planning regrets as regrets over my marriage. That is not the case. My husband is kind of the grand prize of husbands. I mean, just look at this guy:
Nope. No regrets whatsoever.
But a few months after I got married, everyone started getting Pinterest accounts (this was around the same time that mason jars started being utilized for things other than pickling) and that's where most of my regrets stem from. None of these are things that keep me awake at night, but if I can help anyone feel more confident about their creative choices on their wedding day, that sounds pretty great to me.
Anyway, let's do this.
Do-over #8 (I left off at #7 on the first post): I would have shopped around for wedding dresses.
It is possible that I have seen every episode of Say Yes To The Dress. I don't really know why. I am mostly bored and horrified by some of the friends and mothers on that show...like this one:
Is this not the exact reaction you hope to hear from your mother?
This exasperated mom is definitely not a fan of this perfectly lovely strapless dress worn by her disappointment of a daughter, Kelly. By the way, be sure to watch the above video roughly 145 times in a row, if possible. Each time you do, you will gain a new appreciation for the disdain with which the mom says KELLY. Also note Kelly's laugh as she puts her hands on her hips. She could not care less.
But anyway, for as much as Say Yes To The Dress should have prepared me for this sacred moment in a woman's life, I still don't think I did it right.
Here's how it went down:
I took two of my bridesmaids, my sister (also a bridesmaid), and my mom to a giant store in Austin. We waded through the sample dresses like we were walking through a magical forest and picked out the ones that we could discern as acceptable. In the midst of all of this, a sales associate selected a couple herself and then she ushered me to a dressing room. I wasn't wearing any of the right underthings, so she basically got an eye-full of all my best bits and pieces. I kept apologizing, and she kept saying wonderful cliches like, "You've got nothing I haven't seen before."
I tried on a few, and every time I tried on one of my friend's picks, they were like YES, YES THIS IS THE ONE. And I was like...meerrrr...maybeeeeee.
But then the sales associate brought in a new dress (which I suspect she had been keeping from me all along for dramatic effect). I tried it on, and I kind of had that moment of...Oh hey, that's my body in a wedding dress...and it looks really good...I could wear this on my wedding day...hey...I'm getting married...to a man...a man I love! Look at meeee!!
I walked it out to the rest of my group, and while no one began convulsing or anything, everyone was in agreement that I looked awesome. In total, I tried on maybe 5 dresses.
Now, this is totally a personal preference, but I really wish I hadn't made my decision that day. It was my first experience shopping, and I was so overwhelmed by it all. Not only do I wish that I had shopped somewhere else in addition to that place, but I also wish I had tried a different kind of store altogether -- a small boutique or some place more modern. I might have landed on the exact same dress, but I would have felt a peace-of-mind knowing that I couldn't get that dress out of my head.
And, by the way, I love the women I shopped with. They were perfect on this day. Not too pushy, very good listeners. But I wish I could have just gone with my mom. She's seen Say Yes To The Dress too, and that day, she was doing everything she could not to be an overly opinionated you-gotta-be-kidding-me-kelly kind of mom. She was basically an angel, but in that, I didn't get to have a quiet moment with her to really reflect on the tradition and meaning of the whole event.
I'm into that kind of thing though. If you're not, you do you.
Do-Over #9: I would ask my friends to be my bridesmaids in some deliberate way.
I like a lot of what it is happening in the above picture save for the word "maid". To me, that word is synonymous with "housekeeper" which is a fine profession, but you don't really need to paint a box to ask someone to be your housekeeper. If you want to ask someone to be in your wedding, say "bridesmaid" so that it doesn't feel all Downton Abbey up in here.
But anyway, that's beside the point. Making a cute little box with little remembrances and letters to ask your friend to be a bridesmaid -- that is the way to go.
The way I did it is not necessarily wrong. Basically, I just straight up asked them. Some, I asked over coffee. Others, I conveniently asked in the midst of a great conversation wherein I was thinking about how much I loved them. This happened with my friend Kaley who I asked to be my maid of honor while standing in a bathroom. She mentioned this during her speech at my wedding, which probably should have made me slightly embarrassed, but I had lost all self-awareness at that point.
This is pretty much how I felt the entire time at my wedding: deliriously happy knowing that I looked good and everyone loved me.
The women who you ask to be in your wedding party are unique creatures in your life. They have been in the trenches with you. They love and support your relationship with your husband. They know you. They have literally watched as boogers fall out of your nose and into your mouth as you are crying. These women deserve to be shown some serious love before and during your wedding.
Which reminds me...whichever bride first decided to write heartfelt letters on the bottoms of your bridesmaid's shoes...
...I love you in that I think you are probably an incredibly thoughtful person who I would love to spend some quality time with. I am frustrated with you because almost nothing in this world has made me want a time machine more than the above picture. Why. Did. I. NOT. Do. This?!
Do-Over #10: I would wait a day to leave for my honeymoon.
We woke up at 5:30 AM the day after our wedding to catch a plane to Playa Mujeres, Mexico.
You might not want to wait to get going on your trip either after seeing the above picture, but believe me, you should because the thing about having the best day of your life is that you are exhausted by the end of it. You have spent the entire day of your wedding getting ready, the entire evening partying with your favorite people in the world, and the entire night doing some very grown up things. By the time it's all over, you're like:
Waking up at 5:30 AM the day after your wedding feels like waking up in the midst of the zombie apocalypse. You will not be able to recognize any person around you, not even your new husband, as someone who loves you and does not want to eat your brains. Everyone is the enemy at 5:30 AM the day after your wedding. There is really no reason that you should know what the world looks like at that time ever, especially the day after your wedding.
Just sleep in, stay in bed all day, count each other's fingers and toes (or whatever it is you do alone as a married couple), and leave the next day at 10 AM.
Stay in Playa Mujeres for as long as you can, and while you are there, consider never leaving.
Do-Over #11: I would skip out on the unity candle.
If you get to a part of your wedding ceremony where you think to yourself why am even I doing this? chances are, you shouldn't be doing it (I am hoping that in your case you are not asking this question about getting married in general).
We had that moment when lighting our unity candle. Everything up until that point had been all about gracefully holding hands, looking longingly into each other's eyes, and feeling like every moment had incredible meaning.
I could have done this all day.
When it came time to light the unity candle, we were kind of like, oh wait, we have to do something now? Our flow was just totally interrupted. We waddled over to the little table, fumbled with the candle sticks, said aloud, "Are we doing this right?", lit the big candle, narrowly missed setting my dress on fire, sweated a little bit, and then waddled on back to our spot in front of our pastor. It felt absolutely pointless.
My point is this: Wedding traditions are great, but feel free to skip out on the ones that are just not right for you. Even when we were planning our ceremony, I was not on Team Unity Candle. Nothing against anyone who has done it for their wedding. Several of my friends went the unity candle route, and they loved the symbolism. But it just wasn't for us.
If it's not for you either, try planting a tree, painting a picture, or if you're really awesome...
...do what this couple did and have a Unity VOLCANO!
Or just don't do anything at all. Cross my heart, no one will notice and if someone does say something to you about it, feel free to have some body-builder cousin remove them from the wedding.
Do-Over #12: I would hug my mom and dad before getting in the getaway car.
This is probably a no-brainer to you because you are not a heartless monster like me, but y'all, hug your parents before you leave your wedding. As soon as we drove off, I realized immediately that I had not done so and I almost made Daniel drive back.
It's an easy thing to forget because, if you're lucky, this is what your exit will look like:
Sweaty bubble MADNESS!
How can you remember your own name in this mass of insanity, let alone, remember the fact that you have parents who changed your diapers and sent you to college?
Regardless, find them and hug them. Assuming you have good parents, they are worth honoring in this way. Also, parents, make yourselves findable and huggable! I'm not sure my mom and dad were even around in this mess of people, so had I remembered, I would have had to wait for them to push through the mob scene.
P.S. While we are on the subject of getaways, I would also change into a comfortable exit dress. Before my wedding, the thought didn't even cross my mind. This is the most expensive thing I've ever worn! I am keeping it on until it disintegrates. But by the end of the night, that dress was basically just a huge sweaty curtain clinging to my body. To me, there are only two options: change your dress or be less of a sweaty person.
Do-Over #13: I would have remembered certain details.*
I had a fiesta-themed wedding and no piñata! Again, this will not be the death of me, but how cool would it have been to smash a piñata while wearing a wedding dress?!
Answer: So damn cool. Man, this bride just gets it. You can also use the piñata as a substitute for cutting the cake together, which as I'm sure you can imagine, feels plain weird. Why is it that I have been cutting cakes just fine on my own my entire life, and now that I'm married, suddenly I'm too weak to do it by myself? It just doesn't seem right.
Anyway, the silver lining is that we had little piñatitas on the tables. They were kind of the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Another fiesta-related detail we missed...we didn't have a mariachi band!
Okay, cool it, Julia Roberts. A mariachi band would have been great, but again, it's not the worst thing in the world.
There were also some details that we did plan for and then just totally forgot about the day of. For instance, we had this strange obsession with getting the groomsmen to wear matching socks so that they could take a picture like this:
We bought the socks, handed them out to the groomsmen to their giddy surprise. We also bought a fancy sombrero with which to take quirky fiesta pictures with. Then, the day of, no one told the photographer about any of this stuff.
And by the way, we had the best photographer, I think, ever (Lauren Guy Photography...Texas wedding or event? Check her out). But even the best photographers in the world aren't mind-readers. How was she supposed to know these guys were wearing matching socks or that I had secret dreams of wearing a sombrero with a wedding dress? If you have specific requests like this, tell your photographer. They would be happy to hear it.
Again, silver lining, all of my pictures were better than I could have ever planned for them to be. Your photographer always knows better.
*Here's the thing about this do-over that made me hesitate to even write it -- Try as you might, you are going to miss some details. Two weeks from your wedding, you are going to realize that one thing that was so blatantly obvious that you can't believe you missed it.
But who cares? You're married.
My heart breaks for the woman who plans so feverishly for this one amazing day that she hardly has a moment to contemplate how different everything is going to be for the days that follow. Marriage is this beautiful, powerfully confusing, sometimes nauseating, complex covenant that has an effect on us in profound ways that we are all woefully unprepared for. It is something with gravity. It is something worth your meditation. It is something precious, but it is also something hard.
If you miss every single detail of your wedding, but you honor your marriage for the rest of your life, I say, best wedding ever.
If I think of anymore Do-Overs, you'll be the first to know. I hope that in some way my experiences have been able to help give you a peace of mind for your special day. Trust me. You're going to be fine. Just don't trip, and if you do trip, turn it into some kind of artful tumble, if you can.
And by the way, to be sure, I also did a lot of things totally right at my wedding. To bring this mother of a blog post on home, here are my....
Wedding Do-All-Over-Agains:
1. I would skip the receiving line and just dance with everyone instead.
And I would be sure to make this fabulous face as often as possible.
2. I would serve alcohol...because dancing.
3. I would use cornhusk flowers for my bridesmaids bouquets because they are on-theme and super cost-effective.
4. I would relish in public displays of affection.
5. I would request that my maid of honor wear the following hat while we get ready.
6. I would blow this fan up my dress because Texas is hot, y'all.
7. I would write my husband a letter for him to read while he's getting ready.
8. And speaking of my husband, my Lord, I would marry that guy all over again and again and again.
Please be sure to pin this on Pinterest so that other brides can learn from my mishaps!
Also, if you're liking this advice and the baby GIFs, feel free to follow Avoiding Atrophy (you can do so on the right-hand side of this page).
Thanks for being here today, and special points to anyone who actually made it through every word of this thing.
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