An it's-frickin-cold rant & The Brooklyn Flea

I took this photo the other day while shivering on a mound of ice and praying for a supernova to warm my frostbitten body. I wish it captured the total frigidity in which it was taken, but you'll have to trust me on this one: it's cold here, y'all. When I saw this neon sign in Bed-Stuy over the weekend, I just had to laugh. This sandwich shop, cruelly named as it is, serves as a harsh reminder that summer is not in fact endless. In fact, I half believe I will never see it again. It may very well be dead.

Anyway, I hope you'll excuse my it's-frickin-cold rant. I have one about three times a day, as do most New Yorkers in the month of February. New York winters have this way of marring your outlook, forcing you to look at the world through a lens that makes everything seem evil. I heard all kinds of similarly-themed rants about the cold over the last week ranging from "Whygodwhy?!" to "When will death come?" It's normal. Don't worry about us. We'll all be fine.

Still, in the midst of the coldest weekend of the season, I still managed to discover some wonderful things. For one, my sister came into town and we ate our way through all of Brooklyn's best comfort foods. She handled the cold like a pro, by the way. My hubs and I also braved the elements together this weekend all in the name of love! You know, since it was Valentine's Day and all. I wore two pairs of leggings, three pairs of socks, a puffy coat over an oversized sweater over a regular-sized sweater over a dress over a nightgown over a tank top. And still, I was freezing. 

But regardless, to celebrate our love, we pretended it wasn't two degrees outside and ending up doing one of my favorite things...ever. We went to the Brooklyn Flea.

I've certainly mentioned this on the blog before, but it bears repeating: I LOVE rummaging through vintage stuff. I don't know why. I don't know where this desire comes from, but it is very real. I love old clothes, old dishes, old toys, old postcards, old oil paintings of semi-naked ladies, old light fixtures, old EVERYTHING. I love the smells, the textures, the history, the one-of-a-kindness of it all. It's just everything I love.

And guess what the Brooklyn Flea is full of? OLD STUFF. It's a weekly market featuring a mix of vintage finds and some really incredible (but way out of my price range) handmade items from some talented local artisans. The Flea is held in different places in Brooklyn, but for the winter, it's been held at this huge warehouse space in Crown Heights. This was my first time at this particular location, and I was in heaven. 

Usually the flea involves a lot of dreaming and less actual shopping, but this time was different. As Daniel and I wandered around the place entranced by the vastness of it all, we both found ourselves drawn to a piece of furniture. 

Meet Blanche. That's what I named this gorgeous vanity that we stumbled upon. I know you can't tell much from this picture, but she's STUNNING. She's completely adorned in mirrors, she's octagon-shaped, she's super crazy old, and I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. Daniel did too, not because he is into octagonal vanities, but more so because he knew it was exactly the kind of piece that I have been looking for.

He wanted to buy it for me as an early birthday gift, but I had some seriously major buyer's guilt. I'm curious to know if I'm the only person who has this self-proclaimed affliction. Random purchases do not exhilarate me, but rather, they fill me with a sort of inexplicable dread. Is that just me?

We talked it over and decided to take a lap around the flea. If Blanche was still there when we were done, that would be the sign that she was supposed to be a part of our home. We raced around the warehouse, remarking on items here and there while still thinking about our beloved vanity. When we returned, there stood Blanche, unmoved and untouched. It was fate.

A beautiful woman with green hair sold her to us, remarking, "I can't believe no one else has bought this today." Me neither, my green-haired friend. Me neither.*

And now this is what Blanche looks like in our home:

By the way, I realized immediately that it is crazy hard to take a picture of something covered in mirrors. A selfie ended up being the best way to go (pardon my VANITY...GET IT?!):

So anyway, guys, I'm as cold as the day is long, but I've got a gorgeous vanity named Blanche and a wonderful man by my side, so I guess it all evens out.

How was your Valentine's Day weekend?

*It has come to my attention that the beautiful girl with the green hair was actually Courtney Wagner from A&E's Storage Wars. I feel like a fool for not realizing it at the time, but ah! I love this thing even more!

7 Things To Get You Through This Never-ending Winter

Let's face it. Winter is your life now. It will never end. For the remainder of your time here on earth, you will be forced to wear tights under knee socks under wool socks under leggings under jeans. You will step in puddles of slushy, frozen water and your trains will always be delayed. Even now, you may have faint memories of your former carefree, jacketless life full of sunshine and smiles. Heck, you might even have photographic documentation.

But that life is over now. It is best to forget it ever existed. Instead, delete any evidence of springs and summers past, and embrace your new existence of enormous down coats, water-damaged boots, and constant grimacing.

Truthfully, though, there are 41 days until the first official day of spring, but that may as well be a lifetime away. Here in New York City, we've gotten to a point where the snow is no longer cute. It's no longer fluffy, white, and Instagram-worthy. It's black and brown and sometimes yellow, and I hate it so much.

I remember reading a story as a kid wherein the main character didn't want bubbles in his bath because they somehow reminded him of snow. I don't even know what the book was called, but I remember this odd illustration of some kind of anthropomorphized rodent lying expressionless in a bubble-free tub of water. I imagine him now listening to Joni Mitchell with a glass of white wine balancing atop his toilet lid as he lay perfectly still in the soothing bath.

Growing up in Texas, this idea seemed insane to me. Snow is this magical, once-in-a-lifetime wonder element, right? Wrong. Snow is this thing you play in once and then you simply must endure it a thousand times after that. Now that I live in a place with snow, I can safely tell you that I have taken that very same bath. I have sat there motionless, my expression glazed in a pool of scorching hot water. No bubbles, not because they remind me of snow, but because even squeezing the bottle into running water seems like it would take too much energy.

The winter is draining, friends, which is why I would like to provide you now with some defenses against it. The following is a list of things that I personally endorse, most of which aren't even really winter-specific. These are a random collection of things that make me happy, and happiness is the only way to defy the evils of this season (that's what I learned from all of those claymation Christmas movies, anyway).

1. Having a pet

Cuddling with this little guy is the equivalent of nuzzling a small space heater, only much safer. Having a cat has gotten me through many a snowy day, and I am sure you can substitute this scenario with a dog and it would be just as effective.

2. Birchbox

If you don't know what Birchbox is, prepare yourself because I am about to rock your entire world. Birchbox is a fantastically brilliant service that sends you samples of high-quality products every month RIGHT. TO. YOUR. DOOR! My mama in-law signed me up for a full year of fun packages like the one shown above, and I await my next one like it's Santa Clause. It fills each day with anticipation, even in temperatures that should only exist in a meat locker.

3. Grubhub

Are you just done? Done with the concept of going outside entirely? Well, you know who doesn't have the freedom to make that decision? Delivery men/women! Braving the elements to bring things to people is literally their job. That works to your advantage, though, because instead of dawning all of your itchy layers, you can sit stark naked at home and wait for delicious, hot meals to be delivered right to your door. I have no shame in letting you know that I do this kind of thing a lot, and I always use grubhub.com to place my orders because they offer fun perks like FREE DESSERT. Yes. Yes. Yes.

4. Anthropologie Candles

Via

I bought a bunch at Christmas time, and now I am just burning them away as though they were my own personal campfires. Every woman worth her salt knows that Anthropologie has the best candles.

5. Polenta

Forget chili (no, actually, never forget chili. Chili is delicious)! Thanks to my sister, Jo, I have discovered a new cold weather food that will knock your socks off. Polenta. Polenta polenta POLENTA. Use tons of butter and eat it straight out of the oven. I've made this recipe from Joy the Baker twice with absolutely no regrets.

6. Laughter

When the sun sets around 4:30 PM each day here in Brooklyn, it's pretty easy to feel drained of energy (remember, I'm too exhausted to even put bubbles in my bath water). A great way to level-up, to get that boost of energy we all so desperately need is to laugh. Laughter triggers endorphins which is that same rush you get when you scale a mountain, have sex, or do anything particularly exhilarating. A lot of things give me the giggles, but for a good laugh-on-the-go, I would highly recommend listening to my favorite podcast, Professor Blastoff. It features comedians Tig Notaro, Kyle Dunnigan, and David Huntsberger discussing matters of "science", but really it's just them hanging out. I frequently find myself laughing suddenly on quiet subways while listening to Professor Blastoff. Like, deep belly laughter. I look like an insane person, but it helps me to forget, if even for a moment, how awful winter is. Do yourself a favor and go listen to it now.

And speaking of laughter...

7. This video of this girl saying "How about cupcakes?"

You've likely already seen this video, but I truly believe it has magical powers. I don't know, it just gets me every single time. So far, it has yet to disappoint. I dare you to watch it every single day for the rest of your winter, and I defy you to get bored with it. It's just not possible.


Hopefully these things will help get us all on the fast-track to an early spring (screw that groundhog and his stupid predictions and his stupid shadow). How are you getting yourself through winter? 

Sadness Lamp

I recently googled the phrase "Sadness Lamp". Obviously, it's a great band name, but my reason for the search had nothing to do with that. Before I get into my real thought process, here are some Google image results for "Sadness Lamp":

A crying ghost that also happens to be a lamp

A sad man in 1862

A not-exactly-sad cat/lamp combo

Some girl poking a giant doughboy (Not all search results are entirely relevant)

Whatever this is

A pretty realistic rendering of Jennifer Aniston (the artist is named Sadness, I think?)

What I was actually hoping to find was something more like this:

This is a lamp designed by a company called Uplift Technologies and its purpose is literally to improve the mood of its user. A lot of people with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) use these lamps as a defense against depression during the winter months. 

It's hard to believe that staring into a light could actually improve your mood, especially when you are doing it the way this lady is:

This looks like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard...if she actually cared
about curing her depression.

But now that I am about to enter my first real New York winter, I am wondering if this is a fashion statement I might have to make soon. Since daylight savings began, darkness starts to descend on Manhattan around 3:30 PM. In other parts of the city, this may not be the case, but because of the towering buildings, midtown is basically shrouded in an evil shadow by mid-afternoon.

I already feel it affecting my mood. I am losing patience and feeling lethargic. I am ready to bathe in the 10,000 lux of fluorescent light any day now.

Not only am I experiencing a new level of darkness, but now I am expected to dress the part. The first day that the weather got even slightly nippy, I watched a good number of seasoned New Yorkers dawn the following winter necessity:

While it may look like one, this is not a harbinger of death. It is a down coat designed for maximum warmth. This article of clothing is something I never really saw before coming to New York, but it seems like a really aggressive defense against being cold. Every single woman in New York City has this coat, and with the readiness with which they began wearing them this fall, I am nervous that they know something I don't. 

I'll keep you posted, but I'm pretty sure I'm not ready, physically or emotionally, for a New York winter. You know who is though?

This weirdly furry horse.